Be Still
by obliviousworlds
Summary: Sequel to No One Could Tell. If you havent read that then this won't make any sense. Adam's 18 and still dealing with the aftermath of his abuse. Dean/22 and Sam/20. Adam's POV
1. Chapter 1

_"Your special."_

_"Don't make this any harder than it has to be."_

_"If you tell anyone, I'll kill those brothers of yours." _

I scrub at my eyes and sigh when I look at the clock in the motel room and it reads 3 a.m. Dean's still asleep in the bed next to me and he's snoring away like always.

It's been four years since the incident with my history teacher and I'm still dealing with the aftermath of it. I'm eighteen now but that doesn't make it any easier. After we left, Sam helped me a lot through everything and even got me to stop purging to deal with the assault. Dean helped a lot too, but I mainly leaned on Sam for a lot of help because Dean didn't like talking about it and he just wanted to pretend nothing happened. Dad left as soon as he got a chance because then, he had more than one thing to get revenge on. Yellow eyes and Mr. Sullivan.

I sit up in the bed and put my face in my hands and consider waking Dean up. He could help that voice in my head go away but I don't really wanna wake him. He needs rest after this last hunt.

Sam isn't with us anymore. He's off at college and learning new shit. Remember when I said that he'd make it big in the world? Well he made a start at it. Dad wasn't happy, but then again when was dad ever happy? He told Sam if he was gonna walk away then he shouldn't ever look back.

That was two years ago and it still hurts. I remember when he told me and Dean about the acceptance letter he got from Stanford. Dean didn't say a whole lot but then again, I think Dean always knew this day would come.

Me? I begged Sam not to go. I was sixteen at the time and I had cried myself to sleep that night. Why? That makes me sound like a baby right? At the time I didn't care. Sam was really the only person who understood me and then he just packed up and left? Yeah that hurt and I almost went back to making myself sick. It sucked.

"Dean." I whisper and gently shake him awake. I really needed someone to talk too.

"Huh?" He mumbles and opens his eyes and blinks sleepily up at me and gives me a drowsy smile. "Hey Addy. You okay?"

Yeah he still calls me that. I've grown out of trying to make him stop. I'm Addy to him and you know what? I'm okay with that.

"I can't sleep..." I say and look down. I feel like a five year old and Dean is my dad and he should make me feel better or something.

"Oh. Nightmare?" He asks and rubs at his eyes before sitting up.

"Yeah." I say.

I bet Dean wishes dad was here for help with this. Dad's off on a hunt and has left us behind like he always does. Something I wish he didn't do for once.

"Okay." Dean says and sighs. I can tell he doesn't want to be bothered with me and I feel terrible about it, but it's not like I'm doing this on purpose. I wish I could rewind time and never step foot in that classroom but I can't.

He fumbles for his phone and flips it open and dials a few numbers before tossing it over to me. I look at the caller ID and fight to hold back tears. _Sam_. Dean called Sam so he wouldn't have to be bothered with me.

"Dean it's late." I tell him.

"So? We're in california too and besides." He says waving his hand over at me. "Sam told you to call him at anytime." He adds before laying back down.

Bastard.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice says on the other line of the call. I glare at Dean as he turns away from me and hold the phone up to my ear. "Hey Sammy?"

"Adam." Sam says fully awake now. "You okay?"

I swallow hard and try to keep my voice even. "No."

Things like this make me want to start throwing up again, because I honestly can't deal with dad leaving all the time, and Dean not wanting to talk to me and Sam being so far away. Sometimes I think it'll be easier just doing that again. It worked before right?

"Talk to me kiddo." He says and yawns.

I can't. I don't want too and I certainly don't wanna do it over the damn phone either. I should kill Dean for that one.

"Adam." Sam says again. God he sounds so annoyed.

"'m here." I mumble. "But I'm gonna let you go. Sorry Dean bothered you. Love you Sammy." I say and hang up at the same time Sam starts saying don't hang up. I turn Dean's phone off before laying it on the bed next to him. He's asleep again because he's snoring.

I stand up and walk to the bathroom and contemplate throwing up. It'll be really good for me, but really bad for me as well. I know, Sam made me read all the bad things that can happen to you as a result of an eating disorder.

But Sam isn't here. So what the hell?

* * *

_**TBC.**_

_**Any ideas you wanna give me. pm me or leave them in a review :) **_


	2. Chapter 2

"Morning kiddo." Dean says later on in the morning when _he _wakes up. Meaning I never went back to sleep after what happened last night and I've just been up, staring at the walls until the sun came in through the curtains. I do that a lot.

"Hey." I tell him and flip through the t.v channels in the motel. There isn't a lot.

"Did you eat yet?" He asks as he yawns and goes to the mini kitchen that's with the room.

Did I eat yet? No. I don't wanna eat. I don't have an appetite and so I don't see what the point is. I can't tell Dean that though because he'll probably try to force the shit down my throat and that's something I would like to avoid.

"Yeah." I tell him and scrub at my eyes. He looks over and frowns at me.

"Did you not go back to sleep?" He asks, voice filled with worry and concern.

"Does it look like it?" I ask annoyed.

"Doesn't sound like it either."

Yes, thank you Dean.

"Sam didn't help?" He asks and goes and pours himself a bowl of cereal. The stuff making my stomach churn by just hearing it hit the bowl.

"It was late Dean. I hung up." I say and sit up. "You gotta stop that. Sam has a life of his own now, you know?"

"I know." Dean says through a mouthful of lucky charms. He's so fucking disgusting like that. My stomach threatens to dispose everything that's in it by just watching him. Which isn't much. "But we're his family. And if you need to talk to him then he should respect that." He finishes off, crunching on the cereal.

"Yeah well." I say and throw an arm over my eyes.

"Yeah well." He mocks. "We just worry about you Addy." He adds and it makes the moment so awkward. That's all I've heard for four years basically. We're just worried about you Adam, we just want to make you feel better. You block it out after so many times, because one can only take so much of it.

"I'm okay!" I say and give him a smile. "I mean it's been four years you know? Four years since that son of a bitch took advantage of me-"

"Adam." Dean says cutting me off.

"Hmmm?" I mumble, pretending to listen.

"Enough. I can't..." Dean starts off saying, then puts his face in his hands.

I understand why he won't let me talk about it. He's a big brother and it must piss him off right? Like thinking about it and stuff? It pisses me off.

"Sorry." I mumble.

He nods and stands up and dumps his bowl into the sink. "Look, dad will be home tonight. We'll decide what to do from there."

"What do you mean?" I ask him as he slips on his jacket. He doesn't answer just shuts the door behind him. Leaving me in the motel room alone.

* * *

"I really wish you wouldn't have hung up." Sam is telling me later on the phone. Dean's still gone and there are no signs of him coming back anytime soon.

"I don't like bothering you." I tell him and swallow hard.

"I'm your brother, it's your job to bother me." He says and laughs a little. Something I don't find funny at all.

"Not about this." I say.

"Yes Adam. Even about this. You're having a hard time still and I'm fucking worried to death about you, but you won't talk too me. How am I supposed to help if you won't talk?"

Haven't I already talked enough? That's all it's been the past four years! It hasn't helped at all so what's the point of doing it? Isn't it bad enough I have to live with the memory for the rest of my life?

"Hey Sam?" I say, totally ignoring his subject.

"Yeah?"

"What would you do...if I killed myself?"

It's silent for a moment and I'm afraid I might have given him a heart attack.

"Adam...your not..." He struggles to get out.

"I'm not." I assure him. I can hear the sound of relief he makes on the other end of the line and it makes me feel bad. Why did I even ask that? Did I forget who I was talking too or something?

"Listen, I'm coming to visit okay? Okay Adam?" He says and I can here the jingling of his keys. I've freaked him out bad.

"Okay." I say, because I really don't know what else to say. It's not like he's gonna go back to his classes after what I've just asked him, so there's no point in arguing with him.

"Just...god Adam... I'll be there soon."

"But dad-"

"Screw dad. Your more important."

This was probably a bad mistake. I don't wanna die and I don't have the courage to actually go and kill myself. I don't even know why I asked it. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten all day, and that can kill you. But I'm not doing it on purpose so that doesn't really count does it?

"Okay Sammy." I finally say. "Thanks."

"Y-yeah. No problem." He manages to get out. But the scared look I just know he has on his face, threatens to make me throw up because I feel _terrible _about it.

* * *

_wtf did I just write?_

_o.o oh well. we all have trouble starting off right? _

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

"Jesus Adam." Dean says when he comes back into the room and finds me sitting on the bed, just how he left me. He's breathing heavy, like he's been running or something and his eyes are all wide and full of fear.

"What's wrong? Did you go on a hunt without me?" I ask and glance at him from head to toe. God help me if he hurt himself...

"What? No... Jesus Adam." He says again and places a hand to his chest and leans against the wall and closes his eyes. I narrow my eyes and glance at him.

"Then what's wrong? Are you having a heart attack? Do I need to call 911?" I ask and dig out my phone. I know better though, if Dean was having a heart attack then we would both know it so I just laugh a little at him.

"This isn't funny. Be damn glad I didn't call 911 on _you_ Adam!" He yells and shoots a look over at me that shows he doesn't think anything about this is funny.

"What-"

"Sam called me." He says, cutting me off. "He said you were talking about killing yourself. I freaking ran back here and god I don't think I've ever been so happy to see you in all of my life." He adds before taking in a deep breath.

I look down at the floor because I don't know what else to say. Yes I had talked about that shit to Sam, but I didn't think he'd call Dean about it. I should have because who wouldn't?

"Hello? Do I need to drag your ass to the ER?" He asks, waving his hand in front of my face. I look up at him and still see the fear in his eyes, something I haven't seen in a while. All the hunts that we've been on I have never seen Dean with so much fear in his eyes like he has now.

"No." Is all I tell him before turning my back away from him.

* * *

"What in the hell is wrong with you?" Sam asks when he walks through the door. Normally I'd be happy to see him, and I mean I am an everything, but the circumstances aren't good ones.

"Nothing." I tell him. That's right, right? Nothing.

"It's a whole lot of somethin." He says and runs his fingers through his hair. "I just drove all the way from Stanford and you don't even look the least bit excited to see me."

I laugh at this. Leave it to Sam to add humor to this kind of situation.

"Dad's gonna be back soon." I say and glance up at him.

"What did I say on the phone?" Sam points out and smirks which only bothers Dean.

"What _did _you say?"

"Nothing. Never mind Dean. Go get a beer would ya?"

"Fine."

I wish I could get Dean to leave like that!

"Just...watch him." Dean adds before walking out the door. Like I'm some kid. Again.

"Okay." Sam says kneeling in front of me. "Ready to talk?"

"Who said I wanted to talk?"

"Your statement on the phone sounded like you wanted too."

"Yeah sorry about that. You didn't have to leave school you know."

He thinks for a minute until he finally nods his head. "Your right, but I have a little brother I have too check up on."

Right.

"And I know Dean is an awesome big brother and all." He says standing up and going off to the kitchen to get a glass of water. "But he's just not me."

"Huh."

"Seriously Adam I just..."

He doesn't get to finish his sentence though, because my head snaps up when I hear the sound of a car outside...and I can almost bet it's dad.

* * *

_**okay so...This is long overdue and tbh it sucks. I know but I really wanted to put something up because it was driving me CRAZY. Again, I'm sorry about the delay. Never again I hope.**_

_**Again I need ideas for this /: I know what I want to happen like soon and I like it, it's just the little details in between that I'm having trouble with. I have worked some of your guys ideas into the later chapters :) Just help again, if you can lol :) .**_


	4. Chapter 4

"Sam, dad..." I say and look over at the door. I know that's him because Dean isn't that quick with his alcohol.

"I know I hear him." Sam says and leans back against the wall. If he hears him then why won't he leave? Does he want to fight or something? I mean, dad and Sam haven't spoken too eachother since Sam left to college and well, that's bound to be a fight right?

"Boys I'm back." Dad says as he walks in the door and glances up, probably expecting to find me and Dean in the room, but instead finding me and Sam.

"Hey dad." I say quietly. He glances from me to Sam and gives a worried expression.

"Is everything okay? Dean..."

Oh shit, right. Dean went to get a beer and it's just me and Sam here. Of course he's gonna think something happened.

"Went out to get a drink." Sam tells him and barely even makes eye contact.

"Oh." Dad says then glances back at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Then why is Sam here?"

"I don't know."

Sam shoots me a glare and I have to do whatever it takes to ignore him.

"Sam..." Dad starts out by saying.

"Don't. I'm heading back now. Keep an eye on your kid dad." Sam says in a rather annoyed voice before walking out. He's annoyed because of me too.

Dad closes the door when Sam walks out then walks back to stand in front of me.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asks.

"What's there to talk about?" I ask and look up at him.

"Well...Sam left school...so something must have happened."

"Not now dad."

He sighs but finally nods much to my relief. "Get some sleep then." He tells me before dissapearing into the bathroom.

* * *

The next morning I'm being shook awake rather hard. The first night I've been able to sleep in a while is getting disturbed.I open my eyes and look up at dad who's standing over me then glance at the clock which says 9 am.

"Dad what..?"

"Get dressed. We're going out for a few." He tells me and gives a little smile. What does he mean by going out for a few? I turn my head and see Dean next to me sound asleep and, yep snoring.

"Leave Dean asleep." Dad says quietly from across the room. Right like I would try and wake Dean up from anything. I sigh and sit up and go and get dressed.

"Where are we going?" I ask dad when we're walking from the motel. "Is something wrong with Dean?"

"No, well..." He says and then thinks for a minute. "No more than the usual."

This makes me laugh a little and so does dad.

"It's nice to see you smile son." He adds and glances over at me. The smile dissapears once I realize it and realize what's really going on.

Dad takes me to the park in town. Why? I don't know. Probably to talk. Or why else would we be sitting on a bench?

"Look I know something happened last night." He finally says. "I just wanna know..."

"Dean called Sam from school and told him some stuff I said and it scared him so he came back. It was a waste and I'm fine." I tell him and cross my amrs over my chest.

"What did you say?"

It would be a big mistake to tell him exactly what I said wouldn't it?

"It's nothing. Not now anyways."

He sighs again. I'm getting tired of it too dad.

"I know we didn't exactly help you very much with...when you know.." He starts out and tries to get the right words out.

"Dad stop I don't want to hear about it." I tell him and feel tears sting my eyes. Damn.

"I can't even imagine how your feeling and I'm sorry for that. I do know that I'm still pissed off about it happening though." He goes on as if I hadn't said anything before. I shoot him a glare and the tears are threatening to spill. Who isn't pissed off about it happening?

"And I had no idea how bad it must feel for you..."

"It hurt." I say cutting him off making him look at me. "It fucking hurt and it still fucking does four years later." I add and tears spill over my eyes. I don't wanna break down in the park and especially not in front of my dad but I'm not sure I can keep calm about it.

"I know...I know." He adds before wrapping me in a hug. But the truth is he doesn't know. Not him, Dean, or even Sam.

No one knows.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**thanks for your ideas and reviews :) xx**_


	5. Chapter 5

"Addy you in there?"

I look up from the toilet when I hear Dean's voice outside the bathroom and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Yeah...I'll be right out." I call back. I really hope he didn't hear me throwing up...

I flush the toilet and stand up aand go and rinse my mouth out in the sink and open the door. Dean's leaning against the wall still half asleep. He obviously didn't hear anything or he'd be drilling me right now.

"You hungover?" I ask as he walks past me into the bathroom. He didn't get home until really late so it really wouldn't surprise me.

"Ugh. Not quite. How long have you been up?" He asks through the shut door.

I glance over at the clock and see's it reads 11 pm. "Few hours. Went to go take care of some stuff with dad."

"Why didn't you all wake me up? I would have helped." He opens the door and stares at me waiting for me to answer him. Like I'm supposed to tell him me and dad had a heart to heart conversation.

"He told me to leave you asleep." I tell him and glance up at him.

"What did you guys do?" He asks. Of course he thinks we went and worked a job without him or something. Dean gets real defensive about that kind of stuff.

"Dean... We just talked okay?"

"Oh."

It's kinda silent and awkward after that but really, I knew it was coming. Dean never knows what to say in these kind of situations involving talking about personal stuff.

"Well...where's dad now?" He finally asks.

"Out working another hunt or researching or something."

"Sam leave?"

"Yeah?"

I see his face fall. Did he really think Sam would stay?

"Well do you feel like working a salt and burn with me tonight?" He asks and goes and grabs some clothes from the drawers in the room.

"Yeah. Okay." I tell him. What else am I gonna do? Sit around and mope?

"Okay." He says and smiles at me like this is some natural bonding session or something. Yep nothing brings you closer to your brother than going and salting and burning some pissed off spirits bones.

* * *

"She really didn't want you to burn her bones." I say looking down at the fire at the cemetary later on that night. Dean already got slammed against a tree when he was pouring gasoline over the bones.

"Crazy bitch." He mumbles and wipes at his forehead with the back of his hand. "Thanks for lighting her up." He says and puts his arm over my shoulders.

"Yeah." I tell him and wait for the fire to die out. "As funny as it was I'd hate for anything _bad _to happen to you because of a pissed off spirit."

He gives me a smirk before we go back to filling in the hole, which takes another ten minutes. It's like midnight and all I wanna do is go back to the motel.

"Okay let's go." Dean says and grabs the things we used to dispose of the spirit and glances back at me. "Adam?"

I can't answer him, because black spots are in front of my eyes and I'm lightheaded all of a sudden and when I go to take a step, I fall.

"Adam!" Dean yells and rushes towards me and kneels down next to me. "Hey, you okay?" He asks taking my face in his hands. I take a few deep breaths with my eyes closed and slowly open them back up.

"Just...dizzy." I finally tell him.

"Oh fuck Adam. When was the last time you ate today?" He asks worried as hell.

"Breakfast." I whisper, but leave out the fact that I threw it up.

"Shit...shit okay. Come on lets get you up." He says and hoists me up off the ground and keeps one of my arms around his shoulders.

"Dean the stuff..."

"Your more important."

So I get dragged back to the impala and Dean dumps me in the front seat and kneels down in front of me. Worried eyes scanning me over for anything else about to happen.

"Here." He says and pushes a bottle of water in front of me but I argue about taking it.

"Addy your probably dehydrated. Take the damn water or I'll take you to the ER. Your choice." He says and thrusts the bottle back into my hands. I sigh because I know he's dead serious and uncap the bottle and take a few sips.

"Here." He says again and hands me a few peanut M&M's from his pocket. Leave it to Dean to keep candy on him in situations like this.

I take a few of them and pop them in my mouth and within a few minutes, the dizziness is gone and I feel a little better.

"You good?"

I nod and lean against the seat. "Yeah thanks."

"Okay. I'm gonna go and get the stuff back at the grave, but I'll be right back okay? Okay Addy?" He says and nudges my shoulder when I close my eyes.

"Okay." I tell him and close my eyes again, but he's back within a minute, panting from being out of breath.

"I can't believe I didn't ask you if you ate. What kind of brother am I?" He asks when he starts the car up, though I think he's just talking to himself and putting himself down.

"Dean it's okay. I wasn't really hungry today anyways." I tell him as he starts driving.

"Yeah well when we get back to the motel I'm ordering a pizza."

"It's past midnight Dean."

"So? They deliver until like one thirty or something. You need to eat."

I shake my head and sigh. Eating was the last thing on my mind at the moment.

* * *

"Here." Dean says for probably the fiftieth time that night as he pushes a slice of pizza in front of me and watches as I eat the whole thing.

"Dean really, I'm fine." I tell him and take a sip of coke. He's already hovered the hell out of me ever since we got home and he threatened the pizza delivery guy when it took longer than twenty minutes to get here.

"I just...you really scared me. When you went down like that."

"I know. Me too."

"But it was just low blood sugar right?"

"Yeah Dean."

He rubs a hand over his face and sighs. "I'm sorry for not realizing...for not even asking..."

I roll my eyes and stand up. I get he feels bad, but he's just getting annoying now. It's my fault, I made myself throw up and I _felt _the god awful ache of hunger all day and I didn't say anything.

"I'm going to bed. Okay Dean?"

"Yeah Okay." He says and nods.

I'm exhausted and I'm practically asleep before my head hits the pillow. But before I close my eyes I see Dean getting out his phone to call someone...

and I can just guess that it's fucking Sam.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**2 updates in one day! :P and this one is really long! enjoy and leave any ideas/feedback you might have.  
**_

_**thanks! xx  
**_


	6. Chapter 6

"So I guess Sam met this girl, and he's like falling for her or something." Dean tells me while stuffing a few fries in his mouth. We're at a local diner in town and he's telling me everything Sam told him last night.

"Falling for her?"

"Well...They live together."

I give Dean a confused look and smile a little. He got all this information by just talking to Sam the night before.

"And like Sammy was drunk, and you know how he gets when he's been drinking right?" Dean asks and waves his hand over at me while stuffing fries in his mouth.

Yes I think we all know how bad Sam is when he's drunk.

"Anyways." He continues taking a sip of coke. "He told me everything that's going on at school, because you know...he was drunk and everyone knows when Sammy's drunk he likes to talk."

"That's nice Dean." I tell him. I really hope he isn't gonna go into detail about Sam's sex life...

"He asked about you...I mean I told him about what happened last night."

"Why?"

"Because...he has a right to know, you know?"

I sigh. I knew that was gonna happen. I don't know why I'm so surprised about it.

"And he threatened to drive back over here." Dean laughs a little after he says it, but I honestly don't see what's so funny about it. "Yeah he wanted to drive over here drunk out of his mind. I had to have him put his woman on the phone and tell her not to let him leave."

I glance down at the burger on my plate and feel my stomach turn. I could get sick right here and not feel bad about it.

"He's concerned about you eating and stuff." Dean adds and glances down at my plate then back at me. "And maybe I am too."

I could throw the plate at Dean's face right now too.

"I eat." I tell him and roll my eyes.

"I didn't say you didn't."

Great. This is gonna be a big argument now.

"Then why did you call Sam in the first place? And let me guess you told his 'woman' everything too? Huh Dean?" I get a few glances from the people around us and Dean motions his hand to tell me to keep it down.

"Relax. No I just told her not to let him out of her sight. But she does know about you...knows about us I mean."

"God Dean! You make it sound like we're together."

He rolls his eyes and sighs at this which makes me smirk.

"She knows that we're Sam's brothers and...and that he might have to leave if one of us calls him." Dean explains and leans back against the booth.

"Like the other night?"

"Yeah."

"So she knows I have him on call or something? Does she know Dean? Does she _know?_" I ask full of anger.

Dean glances as the last of the people leave the diner before looking back at me. His expression is softer but that doesn't calm me down any.

"I don't know...I mean I didn't tell her and I doubt Sam would tell her anything about our personal lives. Especially that." He says softly. "I really don't think Sam would do that to you Addy."

I don't either but who knows.

"Okay." I finally say, because there's really nothing else to say.

Dean motions for the waitress to bring the check and a freaking to go box before nodding at me, telling me _your gonna eat that later._

* * *

"I kinda wish dad would say when he's just leaving." Dean says later back at the motel. He's sprawled out face down on one of the beds and is trying to make conversation. As if we haven't talked enough today.

"Why?" I ask and flip through my phone. Sam's called at least ten times today and I haven't answered.

"Give me peace of mind."

"You want to look for another hunt nearby?"

"Already did. I can't find nothing."

I look over at him. "You sound dissapointed."

"I'm bored! Kinda tired too though." He says around a yawn and closes his eyes. His eyes snap back open when my phone goes off. It's Sam, of course.

"You know your gonna have to talk to him sometime." Dean tells me when I hesitate to answer it.

I nod and flip it open. "Hey Sam."

"Now you answer." He says on the other line. He sounds angry but I heard that sigh of relief.

"Yeah sorry. Been busy with Dean all day."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Been hungover all day."

I smile and remember what Dean was saying earlier on the phone. Dean must have heard too because he's smiling right back.

"Yeah so how's your woman?" I ask.

He sighs again. "She's good. I guess you know now and god only knows what else."

"Uh I didn't ask Dean for details." I wanna throw up just thinking about it. "So Sam... I know she knows about us and everything but you didn't like tell her...you know..?" I ask quietly. I glance over at Dean and he's giving me a sad look.

"What? No. No...Adam I wouldn't just go off and do that to you." He says and sounds a little hurt, but I can't stop the sigh of relief that escapes _my _mouth.

"Okay."

"Jess is real nice though. You'd like her."

"I'm sure of it. I'm gonna get off here now okay? Later Sam."

"Okay. Bye."

I flip the phone close and toss it on the bed and look over at Dean again.

"See? You had nothing to worry about." He tells me, while struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Yeah." I say and stand up. "I'm gonna go out for a bit. Okay?"

"Take your phone." He says and sends a glare my way and doesn't look away until I put it in my pocket. "Be careful Adam."

And you know he's serious when he calls me Adam.

"Yeah." I tell him and walk out the door into the cool night air.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**okay so another bad scene is coming up... /: Poor Adam.**_

_**Thanks for your guys's reviews! Keep leavin em and ideas if you have any. xx :)**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**I'm changing this up a bit. This chapter is gonna be Dean's POV :) **_

* * *

Adam's laying in his bed when I wake up from the nap I decided to take earlier. Relief fills me when I see that he's there and that he's 's had problems with sleeping for a while but you can't really blame him. He's dealt with a lot in the last few years.

Sam tells me I need to listen to him more when he wants to talk, but the truth is I can't. Everytime I try and listen I just see that fucking pedophile touching him and it pisses me off so I just tell him to stop talking about it. I think he thinks I get mad at him about it but I don't. Not at all.

I sigh and flip open my phone to see if dad's called. He hasn't, which isn't anything new.

I glance back over at my little brother and smile at how peaceful he looks. I'm glad he's back though. I don't like him going out anywhere by himself, it worries the fuck out of me.

I pull the blanket up over him and tuck him in before going to make myself a cup of coffee. I'll be up half of the night now, just making sure he's okay.

I kinda wish Sam had stayed behind. He's always been better with helping Adam through shit like this. I know dad wishes it too because he doesn't know how to handle it either.

"Addy?" I say and turn around when I hear a small gasp. He's awake now, and he's got his arm around his stomach, face scrunched up in pain.

"Ad what's wrong?" I ask and sit down on his bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dean...Stomach hurts..." He manages to get out.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

"Uhh..no."

I've dealt with this a lot before. Him and Sam always got bad stomach aches growing up so I just wrap an arm around him and tell him to just relax and that it'll stop when he goes back to sleep.

It doesn't. After twenty minutes Addy's still awake and he's still in pain.

"Ad if it's bothering you that bad then I'm taking you to the ER." I say and get up to grba my jacket. I hope to god he stops me and tells me he's fine now because it's really scaring me.

"Okay." Is all he says and it's so soft it breaks my heart.

* * *

When I show up at the ER with a sick little brother clinging to me and complaining of stomach pains, the pretty little nurse behind the reception desk wastes no time at taking us in right away and leading us back to a treatment room.

Dr. Walters or whoever examines him and I know it makes Adam uncomfortable. I know by the look he gives me, but I can't take any chances with this. Something could really be wrong.

He seems to suspect appendecitis at first but I tell him that's impossible because Adam had his taken out when he was five. He nods when he notices the scar.

So they take x-rays which pisses me off at first because I can't go back there with him, and I know it scares him at first but when I tell him I'll be right outside, it seems to make him feel better.

"Is there a reason why your brother is so attatched to you, Mr. Jones?" Dr. Walters asks as we're waiting outside for the x-rays to be done and over with. I have to remember thats the fake last name that's on the insurance card.

"Is that any of your business?" I ask. He probably thinks we're like incest or something. We've had a few therapists from other schools ask us about our personal relationship which only made me laugh. How sick do they think we are?

"Well he just seems-"

"He's a kid." I say, cutting him off. Eighteen, but still he's just a kid. "And he's been through a lot. So just drop it."

All he does is nod and I smirk. I'm totally good at _these _situations.

"Has your brother had any major health problems recently. Mr. Jones?" The doctor asks me, going back to doing his job. This is where I really have to think.

"He uhh...had an eating disorder. When he was fourteen..." I say and look up at him. "But he beat it. Do you think that's what's wrong?"

"I doubt it, but it helps that you told me."

"Okay. Yeah Okay." I think I just had a mini heart attack.

* * *

"They can't find anything wrong?" Adam asks an hour later. He's still in one of the bed's in the treatment room and still got his arms wrapped around his stomach.

"Everythings fine." I tell him. Everything really isn't fine though. Sam called me a few minutes ago and I told him about what's happened and he told me Adam's stressing out and thinking to much about Mr. Sullivan and it's making him hurt. He also said it's happened before but I don't remember any of it.

"That's because you were never around him after that like I was." He says when I tell him that, which kinda hurts.

"Oh. Sorry for this." He says and looks up at me.

"Don't. Gave me piece of mind."

"Okay."

"You ready to leave?"

"Yeah."

When he's in the car and we're driving back on the road I glance over at him. "Still hurt?"

"Not as bad." He tells me and sighs. I know he feels really bad about the hospital deal when there was really no need to go. But hey, those insurance cards aren't in our names right?

"It's okay Addy." I tell him and pat him on the shoulder.

"No it isn't." He says softly and curls up against the window, further shutting me out.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**So how was that? I'm thinking about making a Sam's POV and then back to Adam. What do you all think?**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Sam.**_

* * *

So I just got off the phone with Dean a few minutes ago, and he's done went and dragged Adam's ass to the ER in the middle of the night because of a stomach ache. I really wish he had called me before doing anything because this has happened before and I know Adam must feel bad about the un needed trip.

This is one of the cons about being away. I always have to worry about him. I honestly wish dad would have let me take Adam with me when I went off to college, then we wouldn't have anything to worry about. But dad was pissed off enough that one of his sons was leaving the job, let alone two would have been way worse. I know Dean is a good brother but let's just face it, he's never gonna be me. I've stayed up with Adam in the middle of the night and helped him through nightmares and I've talked to him about it. Dean didn't do that. He can't do that.

"Sam?" Jess calls from the bedroom half asleep. She's a good girl, and understands when I have to make a call back to my family.I walk back into the bedroom and climb into bed and put my arms around her.

"Your brother okay?" She asks and looks up at me. Yeah, I picked a smart girl.

"Yeah. Dean had to take him to the ER, but he's fine. They're heading home now." I whisper to her.

"Poor kid." She says and curls up against me.

Yeah Poor kid. She has no idea what Adam's been through and what he's still going through, and Adam has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want her to know. Not that I'd tell her anyways.

"Yeah." I say, just before falling asleep.

* * *

**Adam.**

Fucking emergency rooms. Fucking stomach. Fucking Dean. All of them have pissed me off tonight. The hospital can't find anything wrong, and I'm not complaining about it, but I was really hoping it was something other than my nerves. Or so that's what the doctor said.

"You should just relax. Your too stressed out. Now your brother told me about an eating disorder you had when you were fourteen and I have to ask, are you eating?" The doctor had asked me. I had shot a glare at Dean because why in the hell would he need to know that now?

"He needed to know Addy." Was all Dean said.

I told him of course I was eating and that was a stupid assumption to begin with, but to be honest, I could have been caught again tonight if I had purged earlier.

I've learned a lot since starting this up again. I only do it when Dad and Dean aren't home and I always lock the door and turn the faucet on to block out the noise in case one of them walks in. Yeah, I feel pretty smart about it now. Who cares if they thought it was dangerous? What we do is dangerous so what's the difference?

"You hungry?" Dean asks as we walk into the motel room. I'm still pissed at him so I plan on not doing a lot of talking to him.

"No." I tell him and climb up on the bed. I'm not in the mood to deal with him so he better not start anything.

"You sure?"

"Fuck off Dean."

"Okay."

I should probably feel bad that he just agreed like that, but the truth is, I really don't care right now. I could care less that I've hurt his feelings and he's worried and shit. I just don't care.

"Do you want anything?" He asks and sits on his own bed.

"Yeah. Sam." I tell him and turn away from him. "And dad."

I hear his breath catch and it kinda makes me feel bad. I pick poor choice of words.

"Well all you got is me right now. Okay? I'm sorry about tonight but this isn't anyone's fault." He says and moves over to sit on my bed. "Your still just a kid, and I'm gonna worry no matter what. I know you want Sam and he can help you better with this but he's not here." He adds and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Okay." I say softly into my pillow.

"Okay. So if you feel better tomorow, why don't we get out of here. Take a drive or something? Get your mind off of things."

My mind is always gonna remain on one thing, and I have to keep from breaking down in tears right now. Maybe if I ask Dean, he'll take me to Stanford or something. I just don't know if I'll have the heart tomorow to ask him that and then look at his hurt face.

"Okay." I finally tell him for like the millionth time tonight. What else am I supposed to tell him? No?

"Okay. Maybe dad will be back and he can come with us."

"You know dad isn't gonna want to take a break."

"He will for you."

That pisses me off. Dad wouldn't ever take off from a job if _that _had ever happened. It's just not in him to go and forget that people's lives are at stake.

"Goodnight Dean." I say and burrow my face back in the pillow. Tomorow is gonna be a long day.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_


	9. Chapter 9

**_I've had to change some things up in this chapter so just be aware!_**

* * *

**John.**

* * *

"Yeah okay Dean. Be careful." I tell my oldest on the phone while glancing around the high school I'm standing in. I hope to god he listens for once. I guess him and Adam are packing up and leaving now. Gonna go find a new hunt or something. I asked him if that was a good idea and he told me Adam was okay with it.

Dean's told me Adam's having a rough time dealing with the aftermath of his abuse. He always has, and it's not like he'd open up to any of us about it. Forget about it, I think is what he was going for. But I'll be honest. I was pretty scared when I walked in the motel room the other night and found Sam standing there. You wanna talk about your kids giving you a heart attack...

And Dean had mentioned to me about the emergency room scare but reassured me that everything is fine. Adam's okay and he's well. Sometimes I wonder about that.

"I mean it Dean." I say before I hear the click of him hanging up on me. I smirk and put the phone in my back pocket and go back to researching.

The boys don't know I've left California, and I'd really love to keep it that way. I'm working on more than one case actually in Oregon. One being a hunt and one being well...

"Excuse me." I say when I walk into the office. Both of the women who work there look up at me and give small smiles.

"Can we help you sir?" One of them asks.

I smile back and dig out a picture out of my pocket and lay it on the counter.

"Yeah actually I was hoping you could. Have you seen this man? Better known as Craig Sullivan?"

* * *

_**Adam.**_

"I think there's a roadhouse up ahead. You wanna stop and get something to eat?" Dean is asking me while nudging at me with his elbow. He should really focus on driving and keeping us alive.

"Yeah." I answer and turn my head back against the window. We've been driving all day and I could really use a break, but it's not like I'd ever tell Dean that. I know he likes to just pack up and keep going.

"Well Bobby told me other hunters go to this place, so it should be great." He's saying again. It's been like this all day. Dean trying to make pointless conversation that I never pick up.

Great.

"Dean is this place even open?" I ask when we step out of the car and fall into step behind my brother.

"I guess. We shall find out." He says and smirks back at me. He's such a dork.

Dean walks in first and I'm still behind him when we stop inside. The place is empty of any people, accept for some guy laying on the pool table that appears to be dead.

"Huh." Dean scoffs and walks around and goes to open a door to the back. Like he's gonna find anything back there.

It isn't until I take a step forward when I feel something against my back.

"Move, and I'll shoot you." A feminine voice tells me, making me put my hands up. Shit, Dean.

"Did you not see the _closed sign?_" She asks me, all while pressing the rifle into my back. I know that's what it is. When your a hunter, you just _know._ And I told Dean this place was closed!

"Take it easy." I tell her. She's behind me, so I have no idea what else she's planning to do.

"Or you'll what?"

Then it hits me.

I know that voice.

I glance around and see the sign against the door and see _Harvelle's Road House._

Shit.

"Jo?" I say out loud and hope to god I'm right.

"Who's askin?"

I slowly turn around and keep my hands raised so she doesn't suspect me of trying anything. Her eyes widen and then her face goes into a shocked expression.

"Adam?" She says and lowers the rifle at the same time I nod.

"Adam!"

I turn around when I hear Dean shout my name and see him coming out of the back room, with his hands on top of his head and a woman pointing a gun at him.

"Dean I-"

"Wait a second." She says cutting me off after I say Dean's name. "Dean? Adam?"

Me and Dean exchange glances.

"Winchester?"

We both nod and look back at eachother.

"Mom you know them?" Jo asks and comes to stand next to me.

"I think these are John Winchester's boys." Jo's _ mom_ says before lowering her weapon and smiling. "Hey I'm Ellen. That's my daughter Jo."

"Such a warm welcome." Dean says before lowering his hands and shaking his head.

"Sorry about that. Can't be to careful around here, never know what's out there and hunters, well..." Ellen says and leans against the bar.

I look at Jo with a confused expression. "You know about hunting?" I ask.

"Yeah. My dad was a hunter." She says and looks up at me. Then I remembered back when we were fourteen, her telling me about her father dying...

Well son of a bitch.

"You two know eachother?" Ellen asks before glancing back at Dean.

"We went to school together. When we were fourteen." Jo answers her and looks back up at me. "But I had no idea you were a hunter." She adds.

Yeah. Not something you just go around blabbing. Before I can say that, or anything else really, Dean cuts me off.

"Well why don't we revisit this welcome with some beers?"

* * *

Ellen asks about dad and Sam and where they are. Dean tells her dad's wroking a case and that Sam's off in college doing his own thing. Dean will probably ask her about how she knows so much about us, something I won't be around to hear about because I'm sitting at the bar with Jo wiping the counter in front of me.

The place is kinda busy now, but not enough to keep Jo from looking at me and giving me that warm smile she's always had.

"You and your family are hunters huh? I never would have expected." She tells me and smiles.

"Can say the same about you." I tell her and smile back.

"So that's why you left school all of a sudden four years ago? Your dad found a new hunt?"

I take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. That's not exactly what happened, but it's all she knows because I never told her anything about it.

"Something like that." I tell her.

"Something like that." She repeats and nods before going back to wiping the counter then looking back at me. "So I have to ask..."

"Ask what?"

"I know you had a problem right before you left...with eating and stuff...are you okay now?"

I think for a moment and consider the possibility of just telling her everything right here and now. I mean she already knows about the eating disorder and shit. Might as well know the reason behind it.

But then again, this really isn't the place to tell this sort of thing. So I just look back up at her and smile and lie straight through my teeth.

"Yeah. It's all good now."

* * *

_**To Be Continued.**_

_**thanks for the reviews. xx**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Dean.**_

* * *

So Adam's found his old girlfriend from a few years ago. Funny place to find her actually, considering she comes from a family of hunters.

Dad's called. Said he's on his way over to the roadhouse and we'll ride back together. I'm just glad I've gotten a call from him and from what he's told me on the phone, he's got a lead on something.

I glance back over at my brother and smile a little. I haven't exactly seen his face light up like that in a while. It's nice to see him relax a little.

"So how's your dad?" Ellen asks, bringing me back to the real world. She's serving other hunters but comes back every few minutes for small talk.

"Last time I checked he was good." I tell her and take a sip of beer.

"Another hunt?"

"Yeah."

She's already told me dad and her husband, Bill, used to hunt together and that's how she knows about us. Not so creepy anymore.

"Sam good?"

"Yeah. He calls everyday." _Or we call him everyday._

I glance back at Adam and Jo again and relief fills me when I see he's still smiling and talking.

"They seem to have hit it off real good." Ellen says and glances over my shoulder and looks at them too.

"Yeah." I say and turn back to her. "Did you know about us when Jo first met Adam? I know they were real close back at school."

She goes back to wiping a glass with a rag and shrugs. "Yeah. When she told me his last name I knew pretty much. He was a main reason Jo was always so excited to go to school."

I take another sip of my beer and look down. "Biggest mistake we ever did was send him to that school." I say quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

_**Adam.**_

"So what happened after I left anyways?"

"Not a whole lot."

It's nice to be able to talk to someone again. I forgot how much I could really trust her and how relaxed I felt whenever I would speak to her.

"You remember passing notes in Sullivan's class?" She asks and laughs a little. Fear hits my stomach and I feel like I'm gonna throw up, because yeah that's a good memory, just not where we did it at.

"You okay?" She asks, face all of a sudden serious. I have to keep swallowing to keep from throwing up.

"Y-yeah." I stutter out and pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. I try to control my breathing but that's easier said than done. I look back at her and she's biting her lip and all of a sudden she takes my hand and gently squeezes it.

"Let's go outside."

I follow her outside and I can just see the look Dean is giving me as we walk by. Like I'm gonna score or something.

"You okay?" She asks when we're outside. I'm leaning against the Impala and she's standing in front of me with her arms crossed. "Never mind. I know your not." She adds.

"How?"

"I saw your mood drop when I mentioned Sullivan."

I wince and turn away from her before I have a break down.

"Adam...did something happen?"

There's the question I knew she would ask sooner or later. I just thought I'd be more prepared for it.

"You can talk too me. You know that...you've always known that." She adds and puts her hand on my arm. "I mean...there was talk after you left..."

Anger flares through me. "Like what?"

She doesn't answer.

"That son of a bitch cornered me in his classroom after school." I start out saying, not even looking at her. "And he fucking...raped me...Over and over."

I couldn't have been prepared for the look on her face.

"Oh god..." She finally says and puts a hand over her mouth. Reminds me of Dean when he first found out.

"That's why I had an eating disorder. That's why I'm still fucking dealing with it!" I end up yelling at her. Thank god there's no one else out here. "What? Did people find out? Did they think I _liked _it?"

"There was a lot said, but I didn't believe any of it." She tells me with tears in her eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because it didn't come from _you._"

I put the back of my hand up to my eyes to keep from crying. I know if I start, then I won't be able to stop.

"Do you want me to go get Dean?" She finally asks. I know she isn't really sure on what to do so I just nod. Dean will make everything better, even though he isn't Sam.

"Okay." She says and I can hear her walking away. I lean against the car again and try to regain my composure and even out my breathing.

And then I'm caught off gaurd. Something or _someone _ throws a nice soft blow to the back of my head, and by the time I realize it, it's too late and I pass out.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_


	11. Chapter 11

_****Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know that I am here  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still, be still, and know_

When darkness comes upon you  
And covers you with fear and shame  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
And I will say your name  


_-The Fray  
_

* * *

**_Dean._**

* * *

"Hey Dean?"

I turn my head to Jo when I hear her say my name. The roadhouse is nearly empty now. "Hey Jo. You and my brother havin fun?" I ask and smirk. But then I see what her facial expression is, and I'm not joking anymore. "What's wrong?"

She runs a hand through her hair before saying "He's...I mean...He told me..." Is all she manages to get out, but I understand what she means. He told her _it _ and what really happened.

"Told you?"

"S-Sullivan."

I run a hand over my face and close my eyes and try to keep my anger at bay.

"Dean?" I hear dad say and come up and put his hand on my shoulder. He looks worried. "Where's your brother?" He's asking and looking around and then focusing back on me.

"Outside." I tell him. "Probably having a breakdown." I add and stand up, automatically kicking it in big brother mode. Dad looks at me and shakes his head.

"I was just out there. He isn't."

"Well he probably took the car for a drive." I tell him and try to fight the panic in my voice. Adam's fine, he was just here. He's around here somewhere...

"The cars out there Dean!" He's saying and grabbing my shoulder. "Why the hell weren't you with him! Why the hell weren't you watching him!"

"He was just here! I didn't think..."

"That's right Dean, you didn't think. You never think!"

I wince at his words but I know he's right. It's my job to look out for him and now he's gone.

"I'm sure he's fine." Jo says trying to calm the both of us down, and give us much needed hope. Yeah I'm sure he's fine too, maybe he just ran away to scare the shit out of us. Sam did that one time so maybe...

"I don't think so." Dad says and tightens his grip on my shoulder. "Call Sam, we've got a problem." He says looking at me with a fierce look.

"Dad what's going on?" I ask when he lets go of me. He glances over at Jo and then back at me. "It's okay, she knows. Addy told her." I tell him and he nods.

"Sullivan was around here. It's why I left in the first place because I had a lead on him and it brought me back here." He explains.

"Aw hell...you don't think..."

"That's exactly what I think Dean. Call Sam. I'm gonna deal with you later."

* * *

_**Adam. (Warning; sexual content)**_**  
**

The first thing I'm aware of when I wake up, is that it's fucking cold as hell. My head is killing me like someone hit it with a hammer. Which felt like it from what I remember.

I can hear footsteps but I can't really move. My hands are tied behind my back but I feel weird too. Whoever has done this must have drugged me or something.

"Hey Adam. Did you miss me?" A voice calls out from the other side of the room making me turn my head. Fear spreads through me all over again.

"Yeah it's me. Your old History teacher. You didn't forget me did you?" He asks and starts walking towards me. Still as creepy as ever.

"How could I forget?" I spit back at him.

"Your right. We had some great memories didn't we?" He says and gives me that creepy smile and places his hand on my head making me jerk away from it.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

"Your in no condition to be telling me what to do Winchester!"

He throws a kick to my ribs making me yelp out in pain. Son of a fucking bitch.

"I see you told your family about what happened all these years ago." He adds and smiles down at me. "Bad choice you know? I had to take it out on poor Sammy...and his girlfriend."

Tears fill my eyes and I slam my head against the floor. "No..." Dad promised...

"Your own fault." He says and starts walking around. "Dean will be next, along with your father."

"You take me...leave them alone." I plead and look up at him hoping he'll agree.

"Oh I'll have you. You know that." He says and bends down and starts yanking my pants down and putting all his weight on my legs. "You remember this don't you?"

Bile rises in my throat and tears fall. I can't go through this again, but I know I'm gonna have too. "Please...No." I gasp out when I feel him inside me.

"Your gonna be okay Adam. I promise." He whispers in my ear, making me jerk my head away again. Maybe I'll get lucky again and he'll actually kill me this time.

"D'n." I mumble through tears when he's finally finished.

"Dean's not coming for you bud. No one is." Sullivan tells me before grabbing my arm and jabbing a syringe into it. "I'll be back later. Sleep tight." He whispers before walking away.

"D'n...Dad...please." I mumble before the drugs take affect and I pass out again.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**love your reviews! xo  
**_

_**The name of this story will probably be changed to "be Still." , so just a heads up.  
**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Sam.**_

* * *

"Sam! Your brother's on the phone!" Jess calls out from the bedroom. I sigh and look up from my textbook. I really need to study, but I can't risk it if it's Adam on the phone.

I get up and walk into the bedroom and take my phone from her and hold it up to my ear. "Yeah?" I say into it.

"Sam?" Dean says on the other line.

"Yeah, Dean. This better be important, I was studying. I have finals you know."

"Sam...It's Addy...he's gone...I don't..." Dean tries to explain on the phone, but I can tell he's close too tears.

"What do you mean he's gone? Are you sure he didn't just leave to get away or something?" I ask and glance nervously over at jess, who's giving me the same worried look. But it isn't like Adam to just take off and leave unannounced. Somethings wrong...

"No... we were at a roadhouse and he stepped outside with Jo. Remember her? Well she comes from a family of hunters too and they went outside, and I guess Adam told her everything about what happened with Sullivan, and then she came in to get me because he was real upset and..." He stops midsentence. "And that's when he dissapeared..."

"You don't mean-"

"Yeah Sam. Apparently dad had a lead on Sullivan for a while and he was around here and god damnit he fucking took him! This is all my fault!" He shouts into the phone, and I can hear him beating his fist against something.

"Calm down! I'm sure there was nothing you could have done! Where are you guys?"

When Dean gives me the exact location of where him and dad are, I write them down and hang up the phone.

"Everything okay?" Jess asks and looks up at me. I hate lying to her but i don't really have a choice right now.

"My brother's missing. Dad and Dean need help...I have to go." I tell her and start packing up some things but I throw a punch at the wall soon after. "I should have fucking been there." I say and put my face in my hands. And that's when I feel her come up behind me and put her arms around me.

"Everything's gonna be okay."

* * *

_**John.**_

I'm driving around trying to find a motel for the night. it's already late and unfortunately, we don't stand a chance finding Adam and that bastard any time tonight. We don't even have any idea of where they might be exactly.

I glance over at Dean in the passenger seat. He's got his arms crossed and he's staring straight ahead with the same scared look on his face since I told him everything I had been doing while I was gone.

"I just can't believe you let him out of your sight." I finally say, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. Me neither." He replies back and I can see tears pooling around in his eyes.

I know this isn't Dean's fault but damnit, he should have _never _let Adam out of his sight. None of this would have happened and everything would be okay.

"How was Adam before?" I ask and glance back at him and the road.

"Fine I guess. We had some problems before we left. Like the emergency room deal I told you about."

"But?"

Dean takes a deep breath and turns to look at me. "He...he passed out one night at the cemetary when we were taking care of a spirit. He didn't eat all day..."

I sigh and run a hand over my face. "Eating disorder." I mumble.

"Yeah. I guess he relapsed. He'd been having problems for a few weeks and I think...Now that I'm thinking back on it...maybe he wasn't eating good at all. He was in the bathroom a lot and..." He stops and shakes his head.

"And you didn't catch on at all?" I ask horrified.

"I just wanted to pretend like he was okay! Like he was when he was thirteen and shit. I just wanted him to be okay!"

"Yeah well guess what Dean! He's not okay! Especially not now! So you need to grow up and realize that this is real!" I argue back with him. He's beyond pissing me off. "This is one of the reasons I never wanted Sam to leave. He could have watched out for Adam a hell of a lot better than you could have!"

Dean nods and lets his head rest against the window. "I get it dad. I'm paying for it now."

I wanna laugh but right now, I'm just too scared.

* * *

_**Adam.**_

_****_"You know, you've gotten real skinny since the last time I saw you." Sullivan tells me the next time I wake up. Still the same place, this isn't just a nightmare. It's real.

"What? You starve yourself or something?" He goes on asking again. When I don't answer he hits me and throws a few kicks to my ribs making answering even more difficult. "Was what happened really that bad, Winchester? You didn't enjoy it at all?"

He's untied me but he keeps fucking drugging me so I have no energy to fight back. I still have my mouth though.

"Go too hell." I mumble and then yelp when he kicks me again.

"I think _your _already in hell." He says, kneeling in front of me and giving me a smile.

"My dad and brothers are gonna kill you." I say through clenched teeth.

"Brother. Remember? Or do you want to hear about how I killed Sammy? You want the details? How he screamed in pain..."

I slam my head against the wall and bite my lip as tears start to roll. How could I have let this happen? Sam's dead because of me and it's all my fault.

"Oh yeah. You forgot didn't you?" He says and laughs a little. "It's okay. I like telling stories like that. Puts me in the mood."

Of course it does.

"How are you feeling anyways?" He asks and smiles again. When I don't answer again he grabs my face and forces me to look at him. "Drugs are still wearing on you pretty good huh?"

I jerk away from him and close my eyes and sigh. Dean and dad will be here soon. They'll stop him...

"You ready for another round?" He asks and forces me to lay down again, putting all of his weight on me. This time, I don't even hesitate to hold in the screaming.

* * *

_**To Be continued...**_


	13. Chapter 13

**_Dean._**

* * *

When Sam walks inside the motel room me and dad are staying at, all tension is set aside and dad gets up and hugs the freakin sasquatch. Sam returns the hug before looking at me with sad eyes and swallowing hard.

I know this is all my fault and I know dad has every right to be mad at me. I mean, fuck! Why did I let Addy out of my sight? He isn't a little kid anymore, no but I knew this bastard was still out there and I practically fucking _let _him take my little brother.

"Do we have any leads?" Sam asks when he sits down next too me on one of the beds. I shake my head and that sad look only returns.

"It's been a few days. He could have taken him anywhere by now. We've gone over everything, I don't know what else to do!" Dad says and throws his fist down at the table.

"Did you try the gps in his phone?" Sam asks and it gives me a little hope that we can actually track him down by his phone.

"Yeah. Phone must be destroyed or something."

Hope is crushed.

"I'm gonna go ask around." Dad says and shrugs on his jacket. "It's how I got a lead on him the first time, maybe I can get exactly where he's at this time."

"I'll go with you. You'll need backup." I say and stand up, but he puts his hand up towards me and shakes his head.

"You've done enough Dean. I'll take my chances this time." He says and walks out the door. Man, dad has never made me feel like shit before.

"He didn't mean it Dean. He's just scared. We're all scared." Sam says and puts his hand on my shoulder. Leave it to Sam to be the comforting one. I see now why Adam wanted him to come home so fucking bad.

"This isn't anybody's fault." He continues saying. "Nobody except that perverted son of a bitch. Okay Dean? Don't listen to dad okay? Like I said he's just scared..."

"He was right Sam!" I say and cut him off. "Adam was with _me_! He was **my fucking **** responsibility!**"

Sam doesn't say anything, he just stares at me with tear filled eyes.

"If anything happens to him...I can't..." I put the back of my hand up to my eyes and try to calm down.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll find him. Dean stop blaming yourself, you can't protect him from everything."

"If we find him that's gonna change. He isn't ever getting out of my sight again!"

Before Sam can say anything else my phone starts ringing. I dig it out of my pocket and look at the Id.

"Who is it?" Sam asks.

"I don't know." I say and flip it open. "Hello?"

"Hello Dean." An older sounding man sayins, coming on the phone. "You know who this is?"

I don't even have to second guess it. "Where the hell is my brother?" I say through clenched teeth and put the call on speaker so Sam can hear.

"Relax. He's right here, in this other room." He says and laughs a little. "Didn't think I'd catch up with him did you?"

I glance over at Sam and he's opened up his laptop but I have no idea what the fuck he's doing.

"You touch him and I swear to god..."

"You'll what Dean? Your in no position to be making threats. Especially when I have your baby brother right here in the room right next to me."

And I know the son of a bitch is right. "Is he...alive?" I ask nervously.

"What? You think I'd kill him before I had any fun with him?"

My hands clench around the phone as anger spreads through me. "Let me talk to him then."

"Sorry no can do. I'll let you hear him though. Put your phone on mute or I'll kill him nice and painfully while you listen."

"Son of a bitch." I mutter into the phone and put it on mute and listen as he opens a door. I can't take any chances, especially not now when he's got Addy right there with him. No, I gotta do this the smart way.

"Hey Adam. Guess who's on the phone?"

I hear a moan in response and it absolutely kills me.

"Yeah. It's your brother, but only Dean because you know what I did to Sam. Right? You remember what I told you about all the things I did to him?"

Sam's head snaps up and he gives a look of confusion and anger. "He's using me to get to him. Dean..."

We can both hear Adam softly crying on the other end and it fucking sucks that we're on mute. "D'n..." He mumbles softly.

"Addy." I say back but I know he can't hear me.

"Dean's fine. You go back to sleep now. I'll be back later." He says and I unmute the phone when I hear the door close again.

"You still there? I told you he was fine. A little out of it, but fine" He explains and I can tell the fucker is probably smiling about it. Like he's fucking proud of all of this.

"What the fuck do you want? Anything. You name it."

"I've already got what I want." And with that, the phone gets disconnected.

"Damnit I almost had an exact location." Sam says and slams his laptop shut. So that's what he was doing. Tracking the gps off my phone to the other call...

"What the fuck are we supposed to do now Sam?" I ask and throw my phone down on the bed.

"He'll call back. All kidnappers do. We just have to wait..."

"That could take forever Sam!"

"We don't have any other choice Dean! You heard him, he can kill Adam at anytime and that chance will get higher if we go after him any other way."

I run a hand through my hair and sigh. "I just know he's already...that he's..." I try and get out as tears fall from my eyes. Sam stands up and puts his hand back on my shoulder and squeezes a little.

"I know...Me too."

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**Thanks for your **_** reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Sam.**_

* * *

I kinda wish Jess was with me here. I'm worried about both Adam and her because I just left her behind and now I check in frequently with her just to make sure she's okay.

"I'm fine Sam. Focus on finding your brother." She tells me before hanging up.

I told Dean he'd call back. He should really listen to me sometimes, because a lot of times I'm actually right. And every kidnapper calls back, no matter what the situation is.

I know he's scared. We all are and I do think dad's being way to hard on him. Dean can't keep an eye on Adam 24/7. So the added tension really isn't helping much. It feels like before I left for college and me and dad were going at it, but now it's dad and Dean. Something I never thought I'd say.

When Sullivan finally calls back, he's got us on the phone and he's torturing Adam again. The painful moans echoing through the phone line and we can't be sure of exactly what he's doing to him.

"By the time you find him. He'll be broken." Is all he says before hanging up again. We still don't have an exact location of where they are, but I think we're getting closer. I hope it's soon because this is really hard.

"Sam can't you fucking find where they are yet?" Dad snaps at me and throws his hands up in desperation. I can't do anything until he calls back, and he knows that. So I don't understand why he's acting like this is my fault.

"Lay off him dad. You know he can't do anything until Sullivan calls back." Dean says , standing up. This isn't gonna help anything, just make things worse.

"You wanna bitch at someone? Bitch at me. I'm the one that let that pervert take Adam! Just lay the fuck off Sam, this isn't his fault I screwed up."

"You know what? Your right. Your absolutely right Dean." Dad says and before any of us can say anything else, dad is drawing his fist back and throwing a punch right at Dean.

"Dad!" I yell and come between the two of them. It knocks Dean back a few steps but he doesn't fall. "Both of you need to fucking stop it! This isn't solving anything!" This is kinda funny because Dean said the exact same thing when I left for Stanford.

"We wouldn't even be in this place if it wasn't for you Dean!" Dad shouts, totally ignoring me at making a point. Typical dad.

Dean takes his hand away from his already bruising eye and scoffs. "Etleast I was here." He spits back.

"Excuse me?" Dad questions and takes another step forward, furthing smushing me between the two of them.

"You left!" Dean shouts and throws his hands up. "You were gone on some goddamn hunt and you never fucking stayed! Now I know I wasn't the most supportive towards Adam but I never fucking left him! Not like you and Sam did anyways." He adds and steps back.

I wince at his words but what exactly can I do? Because he's absolutely fucking right. None of this probably wouldnt have ever happened if Dean had an extra pair of eyes on watching Adam.

"I was there!" Dean goes back to shouting. "I was there everynight even when he told me he'd rather have Sam! I never left him when he needed someone! Where the hell were you?"

And you know what? For once, dad has nothing to say. Just looks at us with sad filled eyes.

"That's what I thought." Dean says more quietly and sitting on one of the beds. "That's what I thought."

* * *

_**Adam.**_

Everytime he calls Dean, he beats the shit out of me while Dean has to listen to me cry like a little kid. It just fucking _hurts._

I close my eyes when I feel my jeans being yanked down again and silently cry. Death can't be much worse than this. I've begged him over and over to just kill me and get it over with but he always gives me the same answer.

"I'm not finished with you yet, and I'm never gonna kill you. So quit fucking asking."

It hurts whenever I think of Sam and what he did to him. How could I let that happen? None of this should have fucking happened. If I would have just kept my mouth shut...

"Shit." I mumble when I feel him inside me for the hundreth time in what feels like forever. Suddenly I'm just pissed. Why can't dad and dean fucking find me?

"I guess they don't care about you anymore." Sullivan whispers in my ear causing me to jerk away again. He needs to quit fucking doing that.

"Hey." He says and slaps the back of my head. "You getting bored? Because soon I'm gonna try some new techniques on you, and we're gonna move."

Move? Move where?

"It's gonna be okay. I think you'll like it." He whispers and smiles and gets up and gets another syringe and plunges it in my arm, making me totally vulnerable to absolutely anything, then fucking gagging me and tying my hands back around my back.

"Come on." He says and forces me to stand but it's hard because I'm fucking _sore._

I turn my head when I hear the door open and I feel hopeful that it's dad and Dean, but it's not. No, it's a bunch of other guys smiling evily over at me.

If I wasn't gagged, I'd scream my heart out.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**This is gonna get worse in the next chapter but then better after that :/ sorry if you don't like the idea but this is how I wanted to write it. ANyways thanks for the feedback.**_


	15. Chapter 15

**(Warning; sexual content)**

* * *

**Adam.**

* * *

If I ever get the chance to see Dean again, I'm gonna apologize to him for everything I've put him through the past few weeks. That's all I'm thinking as I'm sitting in the backseat of this van with a bunch of older men, probably dad's age. If I could just speak to Dean one more time...

"You holding up okay back there, Winchester?" Sullivan asks and glances up in the rearview mirror at me. It's not like I'm going anywhere with a van full of freaks. He's still got me gagged and it's not like I can answer him anyways so all I do is glare. He smiles and goes back to looking at the road.

It's been a few days since I've been with his new buddies. They haven't done anything and I just think Sullivan likes to see me panic before he does anything.

I glance out one of the windows. We're practically in the middle of nowhere because all there is, is woods. But there's obviously still a road...

I glance back down in front of me and notice I'm right behind Sullivan's seat. One of his buddies in riding passenger and the other two are next to me. If I were Dean, what would I do?

Not like Dean would ever get himself stuck in a situation like this but...

I slam both of my feet into the back of the seat so hard, it slams him forward against the steering wheel and then, everything happens pretty fast.

Him losing control of the car trying to reach back towards me, is something I had not planned on happening.

I grunt when I feel myself jerk forward and feel the car head off the road. Maybe this is it, maybe I'll kill all of us and all this will stop...

I'm jerked back when the car slams into something. A tree I think from what I can now see outside the windshield.

Nobody's moving and I don't know if they're faking being knocked unconcious or what, but I start jabbing the seatbelt button with my bound hands to try and get it loose. Man they really lock up when you crash.

I kick the door open and try to get out but fall to the ground when I'm fully out of the car. If I can just make it to where I can get some help...

"Where do you think your going?" A voice says and a foot presses against my back, pinning me to the ground. I turn my head and look up at Sullivan and my heart drops into my stomach.

"I gotta hand it to you kid. You've got nerve." He says and throws a kick into my ribs making me yelp and curl up.

"Get up guys!" He yells behind him and goes back to pinning me in place. I can hear moaning and cursing about the same time he yells it and footsteps soon after.

"Your damn lucky we were about to stop anyway kid." Sullivan says and kneels down next to me with another syringe. How many of those can one person even have? "But you didn't have to nearly kill us."

He jabs the needle into my arm and before I can do anything, I feel the effects take hold and I go limp against the ground. He smiles down at me.

"I told you we were gonna try something new. Now my buddies are gonna get a turn with you know." He whispers in my ear.

Nononononono... I scream into the gag when I feel my jeans being yanked down and so many hands on me.

And then, there's pain. So much of it.

* * *

_**John.**_

It's been a week. A fucking week since my youngest was kidnapped under Dean's "watchful" eye. I can't even stand to be in the same room with him right now. Especially since he blew up on me and Sam the other day about being gone.

The dumbass that took him in the first place calls about every other day but hangs up before we can get an exact location. I'm losing my mind right now. This shouldn't have happened and yeah, maybe Dean's right. Maybe if I had stayed behind and helped look after Adam, then maybe he wouldn't have gotten taken in the first place. I guess we'll never know.

My head shoots up when I hear Dean's phone start to ring. It's a habit all of us do when it happens. He takes it out and flips it open and puts it on speaker so we all can hear. "Hello?"

"Dean. You ready to see your brother again?" Dumbass says on the other line and laughs a little. When I get a hold of him...

"Where is he?" Dean asks and glances up at me.

"Relax. He's fine...well...alive anyways. I'm gonna leave the phone on and leave so you can track it to where he is."

I glance over at Sam and he's already on his laptop tracking. I raised a smart kid.

"Hope you find him soon." That evil voice says before hanging up. Dean snaps his phone shut and looks over at Sam.

"You still getting an exact location?" He asks nervously.

"Yeah it's still on...and...got it." Sam is saying and writing down something on a piece of paper.

"You got it?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Let's go." Dean says and grabs his things and heads out to the car in a dead run. Me and Sam are right behind him.

We drive for about three hours. Sam's sitting up front with me and Dean's in the back pulling at his hair and sighing loudly. I know he's scared and nervous. We all are.

"God I swear when I get my hands on him." Dean says and shakes his head. We know the feeling.

"You sure we're going the right way? This is a campground it looks like." I say and glance around through the windows.

"Yeah. It makes sense where he'd take him. Practically in the middle of nowhere because it's way to cold to go camping, you know?"

Yeah I know.

"Look." Dean says and leans up against the seats and points ahead down a small hill. Looks like a car crash so I pull over. My kid could be in there.

We all hurry and get out and slowly slide down towards the car and curse when we don't find any sigh of Adam in it. We don't see a sign of anybody in it.

We're walking around it, inspecting it when we hear the small moan.

Dean walks ahead of us and dissapears back around to the other side of the car, me and Sam follow and we all stop in our tracks.

"Oh god." Dean says and puts his hand over his mouth. Me and Sam stare down in shock at what we're looking at all curled up on the ground looking dead.

No.

That's not my kid.

That can't be.

This isn't real.

But a soft moan snaps me back to reality and then I see, that this is real and it's not some illusion.

Son of a bitch.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**Okay, that's enough of torturing Adam that way. D: Things will get better from now on.**_

_**Yes last house on the left played a part in this story.**_

_**Hope you all liked this chapter! Will try and update tomorow, I know this is some cliffy.**_

_**Thank you again for all your reviews!**_

_**& Sullivan will go down...later :P **_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Dean.**_

* * *

"We were too late." Sam says behind me, so soft I barely hear it. Yeah we were too late, and that's why Adam's had to suffer the consequences of this whole ordeal. And it's all my fault.

"Stay back." I tell dad and Sam. "Don't wanna scare him anymore."

"Hey Addy." I say quietly and kneel down next to my still bound baby brother. I have to fight to keep from crying because this is just really fucked up.

He flinches and whimpers when I place a hand on his shoulder and it fucking _kills _me. "Easy Ad. It's me, It's Dean." I whisper in his ear but he flinches away from me then, looks up at me, eyes glazed over and bloodshot.

"D'n." He whines from behind his gag and let's tears fall from his exhausted eyes. I nod down at him and place my hand on his head.

"Let me untie you? I won't hurt you okay?" I say and slowly get out my pocket knife. He doesn't do anything whe I take the gag out and free his hands. He just slumps against me, exhausted.

"D'n...'m s'rry." He mummbles and his eye lids start to flutter.

"For what?" I whisper and hold him in my arms.

"H-he killed...S'mmy...my fault..." He manages to get out before falling limp in my arms.

"Dean?" Sam says and steps forward.

"It's okay. He's just sleeping. He's been drugged." I say after checking for a pulse and checking the kids breathing. Evened out, nice and smooth.

I look up at dad and shake my head with tears in my eyes. "We gotta get him to a hospital dad...He's too damaged for us to take care of him..."

Dad runs a hand over his face before nodding. "I have a friend who's a doctor..I'll call him...Dean he isn't gonna like waking up in a hospital with a bunch of strangers trying to force him to talk you know?"

I know.

I nod and look back down at him as tears slip from my eyes.

"Let's get him in the car." Dad finally says. I nod again and gather Addy in my arms and stand up. I almost gasp at how easy it is. I shouldn't be able to pick him up like this...God only knows when the last time he's eaten...

Sam falls behind with me to make sure I don't drop Adam or anything as we're walking back up the hill.

"When he wakes back up..." I say and glance over at him. "You should probably be the first person he sees."

Sam nods and wipes the back of his hand across his eyes, something he does when he let's tears fall sometimes.

We make it back up to the car in silence, because none of us really know what to say.

* * *

_**Sam.**_

I glance back in the impala as dad is hitting the gas, it's what he's been doing since we took off about half an hour ago. He's already called his friend that's a doctor and he said he'd check Adam over and that he even owns a rental house not far away from where we are. Some bad lock and some good luck, I guess.

Dean's wrapped Adam in one of the blankets we keep in the back of the car for emergencies, such as something like this because it's fucking cold outside. He's practically cradling Adam like a baby and I know that if the circumstances were better, Adam would throw a fit about it.

Dean says I should be the first person Adam sees when he wakes up and dad agrees with it too but he also doesn't.

"It might freak him out at first. He might think Sam is some damn ghost or something and have a full on panic attack. Nice and slow, okay?" He told us when we got in the car.

I hate to even think about what he's been through. Though you can practically fucking see it. He's beat up pretty bad and when we found him his pants...

I shake my head from the thought. My blood is gonna start boiling again and that's the last thing any of us need to deal with right now. No, it'll be a hell of a lot worth it when I find that son of a bitch.

When we get to the house, Dean once again carries Adam inside like he's a newborn all over again, and lays him in a bed in one of the rooms and makes sure to bundle him up in the comforter thats already on it because the heat isn't even on right now.

"Okay I turned on the heat." Dad says walking back into the room where we are. "It'll take a few minutes."

And it does. Within a few minutes it's nice and warm and me and Dean are shedding our jackets off and Dean's unwrapping Adam from his little cacoon because he's starting to sweat.

"Josh is here." Dad is saying when we hear a knock on the front door. He goes too answers the door while leaving me and Dean behind.

"Hey boys." Josh says to us when he meets us. He smiles but his eyes are full of sympathy as he glances down at Adam.

"Can you take care of him?" I ask point blank with tears in my eyes.

He nods. "I'll do my best, Sam."

He also suggests that me and dad wait outside in the hall while Dean stays with him while he checks Adam over because Dean was the only person he saw back at the woods.

"Should have never happened." Dad mumbles and takes in a sharp breath.

He's right, it should have never happened. But it did and we have to deal with that no matter how much it fucking hurts.

I should really call Jess and tell her what's going on, but I don't think I could even talk to her right now. Too soon for comfort and shit.

When Josh walks backoutside the room to where we are, I can hear Dean crying. And for a moment I think Adam's dead. But no he isn't, Josh explains when I full out ask, tears already rolling. No, he was just fucking gang raped and drugged so that's not much better news.

Dad curses and puts his face in his hands before asking what in the hell we should do.

"I'll stay here for a while. I know a hospital is out of the question for you guys...but I have to go back into town and get the supplies needed to fix your son up. I can do a rape kit but I know there's really no need. I know you all know who did this and I have no doubt that your gonna make him pay for it." Josh explains as he glances back from me and dad.

And he's so fucking right.

"Look, they sedated him pretty light from what I could tell. He's starting to come around so just keep him calm until I get back, okay?"

Me and dad nod as he walks past the both of us and out the door again. Dean's still softly crying and I know he's probably blaming himself for all of this.

Dad puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it to make me look at him. "Are you okay? You haven't said a whole lot."

I let out a sigh and shake my head. "No dad. I'm not okay." I tell him point blank. "Nothing about this is okay."

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Dean.**_

* * *

When Adam wakes up, he's still kind of out of it and isn't fully aware of what's going on. He just blinks up at me, blue eyes unfocused and confused and then he starts hypervenilating.

"Ad it's okay. Your safe now, your okay." I whisper and place a hand on his forehead. "It's Dean. Your alright." I add.

Josh has already fixed him up as best as he can. Adam's bruised around his stomach pretty bad and I'm thinking it's where that car probably crashed and the seatbelt dug into him. But I mean, he's pretty banged up everywhere.

"No don't..." He whines and pushes against me. He actually manages to throw a punch at me, but I catch his fist before he can do anything. I hate restraining him but I've gotta make him listen...

"Adam your okay! Your safe now, it's Dean. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you..."

That's what you said the last time and now look where we are.

Shit.

"D'n." He mumbles and looks back up at me and I give him a little smile.

"Yeah, hey." I say softly and loosen my grip on his hands. "Your okay. Your safe now."

He swallows uneasy and looks away from me like I'm lying. I can't really blame him for it.

"Sammy's here too." I add and that makes him look over at me. A few tears slide and I reach over and gently wipe them away. "I know what he told you, but Sam's here. He's alive I promise." I tell him before he busts out crying. Again I don't think he believes me.

"You want me to go get him?" I ask and make a move to get of the bed, but I'm stopped when he whines and grips onto my sleeve with a death grip that fucking _kills _me. So I set back into the position I was in and that seems to calm him down a little.

"Hey Adam."

I look up in the doorway and there's Sam standing there with a little smile. I glance back down at Addy and he's got the most surprised look on his face. It's really no surprise. God only knows what that son of a bitch put in his head to begin with.

Sam walks over and kneels down next to the bed and gently puts his hand on Addy's, but that's all it takes for Addy to practically throw himself at Sam and bust out crying. Sam wraps his arms around him and gently tries to calm him down and I can faintly hear him whisper "God...what did he do to you?"

* * *

_**John.**_

It doesn't take long to notice that Adam's obviously awake. Sam had taken a seat in the hallway of this house and Dean had stayed next to Adam's side.

That's why I _knew _when he was awake. I heard the calm talking and the moving around and the change of atmosphere. When your a parent you just _know _these kind of things about your kids.

Josh fixed him up alright and I guess he's staying around a few extra days to make sure everything goes alright. I can't complain about that because we just can't risk a hospital visit. Granted Adam isn't a kid anymore, but that won't stop them from trying to send him off to some psych ward or something.

I'm trying to figure out if whoever this is, is something supernatural or if he's just some crazy ass pervert. I'm thinking the second one because this just doesn't feel like something supernatural.

I get up and slowly walk into the doorway to where my kids are and I see Sam holding Adam and calming him down. This is like when they were kids and needed comforting.

Except they aren't kids, and this situation is way worse.

"Hey. Dad's here too." Dean says and glances up at me and smiles. Sam does too and Adam makes his eyes stare up at me. God he looks just like his mother.

I give a little smile back and try not to let tears show. This isn't the time for that. My anger towards Dean is gone for right now. All that matters is my youngest's well being at the moment.

I know he recognizes me, but at the same time he's uncertain of who I am. Which is obviously normal in this kind of situation. I understand.

But damn, to not be recognized by your own kid hurts. No matter what.

"Yeah. I'm here, and your gonna be okay. Everything will be okay." I say softly and sit down on the bed with them, but he turns his face away from us.

Because yeah, when hasn't he heard that before?

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**I know, it's short but I'll make up for it!**_

_**thanks for your reviews. xox**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Adam.**

* * *

I really had hoped all of this was a nightmare. Or better yet, I rather hoped I would have died after that brutal assault.

But no. Dad, Dean, and Sam? Found me. But it was too late.

So what was the point in saving me after that? He's still out there. They should be out there trying to kill him and not fussing over me in this damn bed in this weird house I've never been in before.

He's gonna come back. It's only a matter of time.

"Ad."

I force tired eyes to look up at Dean from my place on the bed. This is what he's been doing for the past two days. Trying to get an answer out of me or something.

"You hungry?"

I shake my head and go back to looking down on the floor. I haven't gotten up at all much in the past few days except to go to the bathroom and I almost didn't make it because of how sore I was - still am. And I can't tell you how freaked out Sam was when he came in and found me gone.

"You need to eat something." Sam is saying now and shifts in his seat next to the bed. "Or Josh is gonna..."

Right. Dad's friend is threatening to shove a feeding tube up through my nose. I whine a little and put my face in my pillow at the thought. He's already had to do other things to me, and while Dean told me it was to make sure I was physically alright still didn't make the situation any better at all.

And it didn't help when he told them all about the scarring on my fingers and in the back of my throat either. Or that I'm probably considered bulimic. No, they already knew that, or they did anyways. They had thought I stopped when I was fourteen but when Josh mentioned the relapse Sam and Dean got real quiet about it.

"Nice going Sam." Dean growls from the other side of the bed.

They argue a lot too. Dean and Sam do I mean, and that's highly unusual. Dean and dad haven't said much either and that makes me think they're fighting as well. Something that is _very _unusual.

But I haven't seen much dad since I woke up. Fully woke up, that is.

Sam sighs and puts his face in his hands. I know I'm probably annoying him but I'm not even hungry and there is no way in hell I'm letting a stranger put a tube through my nose to give me fucking food. This is how I'll choose to die.

They don't know what it was like. It took them a fucking week to find me and like I said, it was too fucking late! I should die. Obviously I did something to deserve all of this since it's happened over and over and doesn't even seem to stop.

_It's never going to stop._

His voice is inside me and is threatening to take over my life.

Forget that. He already has.

* * *

**Sam.**

Maybe it's the fact that Adam won't eat that has me so stressed out. I know he's been through a lot and everything, but he's already so skinny. Or maybe it's the fact that the whole time I was at college these past few months, Adam made himself sick again.

Yeah those things will do a number on you.

I mean, he's fine otherwise. Physically I mean. I know he's not emotional and mentally. But he won't be physically either pretty soon if he doesn't stop making himself throw up and not eating.

No. I read about eating disorders when he was fourteen. I even went further on learning about them in college and in a lot of male cases, they do it to deal. Adam does this to deal. We knew that, but we automatically assumed he would stop after we left that place where it all started.

No, things are just ten times worse now.

Dad is off tracking the son of a bitch again. It's a good thing but he's already had so much time to get away already. I don't wanna have to wait another four years before something like this happens. No, this has to be it.

Adam hasn't said much since he woke up. Dean's asked him what happened and even though Adam knows it's us, he wasn't fond of having to share all the details that happened.

I mean, we know what happened. Or we know what we _think _happened. But none of us expect Adam to go and share any of the details any time soon. And that's perfectly fine because me and Dean are still pretty fired up about all of this happening again.

I almost had a heart attack when I came in the room and Adam wasn't in bed yesterday. Dean tells me I yelled like I saw a clown or something, which isn't even funny in my defense. But Adam came out of the bathroom wide eyed but relaxed a bit when he saw it was just me and no one else. Me? I thought Josh was gonna diagnose me as having a heart attack.

I can't help it. I'm afraid to take my eyes off the kid and even thought Dean had just stepped outside for a minute to get Adam a glass of water, it still didn't calm my nerves at all.

I don't think he can survive something like this happeneing again. I don't think any of us can, hell I'm not even sure if we can ever bring Adam back to where he was before. We made a lot of mistakes there and I'm just now starting to see them and I'm mentally cursing myself for it.

I glance over at Dean who's tucking Adam in. He's finally fallen asleep but it won't last long. Nightmares will wake him up soon and it'll be up to me and Dean left to comfort the youngest one of us.

And I think we're okay with that. Perfectly fine with it.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**Sorry for the delay D: hope this makes up for it!**_

_**thanks!**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Dean**_

* * *

Josh really thinks it's a good idea to put a feeding tube in Adam because the kid is still refusing to eat. I don't even know how his body has lasted this long. It seems like everyday his body just gets rid of more little weight that he barely has and it's gonna kill him if we don't do something. I don't want him to die, that kid is my fucking life along with Sam. And this is my fault he's like this in the first place.

Dad is still gone. Revenge has taken him over the edge at this point and I can't really blame him. If it wasn't for Addy being so sad and broken I'd be out there with him.

I open up the cup of apple sauce Sam has brought to me from the kitchen, and it's one of the only things that'll be easy on Ad's stomach at the moment. It's kind of funny actually because I _used _to do this shit all the time when him and Sam were babies. But that was when he actually had a big appetite and would actually eat the stuff.

"Here, Addy." I say softly and put a spoonful to his mouth. He slaps my hand away and then reaches up and slams the cup against my chest. I can feel the mushy stuff through my shirt. I sigh and put my face in my hands because I was really hoping we would have to avoid the feeding tube.

"Here, etleast drink something." Sam says and goes and pours a glass of water, which once again gets knocked out of his hand. I don't know how much more either one of us can take this. Addy just curls up on himself and buries his face in one of the pillows and we're really at lost on what to do.

"Sam...go get Josh." I finally say. Ad doesn't even react. Sam just nods and exits out of the room in a hurry, but honestly I wish we could delay this for as long as possible.

Josh comes back in with the supplies needed and fills up a syringe because, yeah I know Ad's gonna give us a hard time about this.

He hands me the syringe and tells me it's probably best if I do it because Ad doesn't even like the fact Josh is even here in the first place. The plan is for Sam to hold his arm so I can get this stuff inside him. I've done this before, so it's not like this isn't new to me.

That's easier said than done.

I probably should have just had Sam grab his arm and then it would have been done. But no, being an awesome big brother I figured I'd talk to Addy and tell him everything I was gonna do.

As soon as he sees the syringe he acts like he's gonna bolt but he's so weak so that obviously wasn't gonna happen. Tears spring in his eyes and that's what stops me from doing anything.

"S-Sam...D-Dean.." He stutters out through his tears. I glance up at Sam and he's just has broken up as I am.

"N-Not you g-guys t-too...S-supposed to be m-my b-brothers...I-I'll be g-good.." He gets out before turning his face into my shoulder and starts hysterically crying.

I'll be good.

Oh god. He thought we were gonna...

"Hey listen, Addy." I whisper and put the needle down and wrap my arms around him. "We were just gonna give you something to relax you because Josh thinks it's best if he puts a feeding tube in so you don't starve to death." I whisper in his ear. "That's all. Me and Sam would NEVER..." I can't even finish the last part.

"H-He gave me s-stuff t-to relax m-me t-too..." He whispers back through his crying. "And t-thats when h-he..." He puts his face back in my shoulder. He sounds like he's a child again and I realize I can't do this for very much longer. I'll die if I have to see him suffer like this.

"Yeah but me and Dean wouldn't ever do that. We just thought it'd be easier for you..." Sam goes on saying.

"Well it isn't!" Adam tells the both of us, venom in his voice.

"Okay. Will you etleast let Josh do what he needs to do if we promise not to sedate you? We just wanna help you and we know you don't feel like eating so this will be easier. You won't have to hear me and Sam bug you to eat something." I tell him and glance over at Josh who silently nods.

I feel Adam nod a second later and he gets out a muffled, "Okay."

So that's that. Josh puts a feeding tube in and Adam doesn't fight him about it and within a few minutes, Ad's getting his first real meal in ages.

I lay him back down and for the first time, I notice the scarring on his fingers from where Josh told us when he first examined him that he had been making himself sick again and curse myself. Adam was in MY care and I didn't fucking notice he was doing it.

He must have noticed I saw because he swallows hard while looking at me and puts his hands back under the blanket. I sigh and tuck the blanket around him. "Get some rest. This'll get better soon."

* * *

_**John.**_

I want nothing more than to just be back at home with my boys right now. Especially after all that's happened to my youngest in the past few days but I just can't let this go. I can't just sit back and wait for this bastard to get further away like the first time. I just can't.

I know Sam and Dean are taking good care of Adam back at the house so I'm not really worried. I'm still not my happiest with Dean right now but I've put it aside while I track this guy down and get my youngest some justice after everything he's been through.

It's the least I can do right?

I called Bobby when I first headed out and he's been helping me. Pastor Jim and Caleb and everyone else knows too and I know Adam won't be happy when he finds out about it, but I need all the eyes I can get right now.

"I just really don't think he left the state." Bobby is telling me as we're driving. "I think he'd wanna stay close to Adam just in case..."

My hands tighten on the steering wheel at his words. Makes me fucking sick.

"I don't think it something supernatural." He goes on saying.

"Me neither." I agree with him. "I think he's just some fucking pedophile who gets his kicks by doing shit to kids. But he isn't gonna get away with hurting my baby." I say through clenched teeth. Adam will forever be my little blonde hair blue eyed little boy who used to tackle me whenever I would come in from a hunt. That'll never change.

Bobby just nods. "Well then, let's get some justice for your boy, shall we?"

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Adam.**_

* * *

When I was still in highschool and everytime we'd move, I don't know which one it would be, either dad, Dean, or Sam would tell my new teachers to take it easy on me, and that I was "Special", so it would make it easier on me. None of them know I know about it but one time back in kentucky when we were taking shelter down there, I overheard Dean talking to one of the teachers I was gonna have at the time and I just remember breaking down when he used that word, "Special." I don't think any of them knew that Sullivan used to tell me that too, but I never did. Ever.

But that's how I feel now. I feel like I can't do anything for myself because of this and what happened. I feel hopeless and weak and I'm scared of what can still happen.

"He's doing better." I can hear Sam, Dean and Josh outside of my door. They think they're being quiet or hell they probably think I'm asleep or not paying attention or something. But for once, I am.

"Physically I mean. He hasn't spoken much." What is there to say?

"But what happened to him...that's not surprising. Right?" Sam's voice asks quietly. I close my eyes as I feel tears sting.

"Right. It just might take some time. He will get better."

If I had a dime for everytime someone said that, I'd be rich. They don't know, they didn't go through it, this didn't happen to them. I don't care if Josh is a doctor, he can't possibly know if I'll get better.

"Ad?" I hear the door creak open and in walks Dean, slowly and quietly. I know I probably look horrible right now, this fucking feeding tube is getting on my nerves, so I can only imagine how hard this is for Dean.

He walks over and sits next to me and puts a hand on my arm - something he's been doing a lot lately. I guess for a sense of comfort.

"Sammy's outside calling dad." He tells me. I glance over at him and think for a minute. Yeah, dad left. Dad left to go kill Sullivan and I don't know if he's even alive. Great.

"And I called Jo." He adds. I'd forgotten about Jo until he just said something...

"She's been real worried about you. But I told her you were okay. Better, I mean." He adds with a sad smile.

If I had the energy, I'd probably reach up and slap Dean across the face. I _hate _how he's talking to me right now. Like I'm some little kid that doesn't really understand what's going on. But I'm to weak to do anything. Maybe I'll feel this way forever. Who knows.

"So I know your probably feeling kind of weak. You've been laying around a lot, and there's nothing wrong with that! Your still recovering, but you should start getting up a little more. You know, instead of just going to the bathroom? See what the house looks like." He explains, nervously.

I close my eyes and turn my face away from him because I can't even process all of that.

"You going back to sleep?" Dean asks softly. I don't answer him I just let the darkness overtake me.

Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll die.

* * *

_**Sam.**_

"Dad? You there?"

"Yeah, Sammy."

I sigh of relief when I hear his voice on the other end of the phone. We haven't heard from him in a few days and god only knows what he could have gotten himself into.

"Bobby's here too." He adds. That makes me feel a little better.

"You guys find anything?" I ask and I hope for a good answer.

"No." Dad sounds like he might cry. "Hows Adam?" He asks right after.

"Better. Physically, that is."

"Well that's good. I'm glad. Tell him I miss him and I love him, okay Sam?"

I smile a little. Dad never used to show any of us love that way. It just goes to show how all of this has really affected us. "I will dad."

"Okay... Take care of him...See you soon." He says before hanging up. I sigh and close my phone just as Dean is walking in the living room to where I'm at. He takes a seat next to me and sighs.

"He okay?" I ask.

"I guess. Didn't talk to me but I told him what Josh said and that you were calling dad. He's asleep right now so he'll be out for a while."

"Maybe that's what he needs."

"Maybe."

It's silent for a minute but Dean turns his head back to me. "Dad okay?"

It's kind of an awkward subject for him. Him and dad still aren't on the best of terms right now and dad didn't ask me anything about Dean on the phone...

"Yeah. But him and Bobby have no leads on Sullivan or anything." I tell him and watch his face drop.

"Shit."

"I know."

He sits up and rests his head in his hands. I know he's tired, we both are. But sleep isn't exactly in either one of our agendas. I can't even remember the last time either one of us has had a full nights sleep. It's been a while.

"You going back to school?" He finally asks. I look back at him and I notice he's layed back against the couch.

"Not anytime soon." I answer. Truth is, I can't even imagine going back to school and leaving Dean with this responsibility. Let alone the state Adam is in. I couldn't even concentrate.

I called Jess and had no choice but to tell her what's been going on. She was horrified at first but to my luck, she was completely understanding.

I glance back over at my brother and notice that he's passed out from exhaustion. Snoring softly and it makes me laugh a little and remember how Adam used to complain all the time about it. It sucks because everthing has changed so much.

I sigh again and let my head rest against the back of the couch and close my eyes. This will be fine. For a little while anyway.

* * *

_**To Be Continued...**_

_**sorry for the delay xx thanks for the feedback.**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Dean.**

* * *

I should kill Sam for letting me fall asleep or better yet, I should kill _him_ for falling asleep! We really can't afford to just miss anything that just so happens to strike. That bastard could come back and...I don't even wanna think about it.

When I'm fully awake and glance at the clock I see that I've been out for about an hour. Which isn't bad, but that isn't what woke me up in the first place.

Something's off when I sit up and glance over at Sam who's still asleep. Something isn't right. Being a big brother, you just know when something is wrong and it obviously doesn't have anything to do with Sam. So I get up and hurry down to Addy's room and there's where the problem is.

"Oh god." Escapes my mouth. He's still asleep but he's tossing and turning and fucking _whimpering._ I hurry next to his side and try to calm him down but after everything he's been through, element of surprise sure wasn't the best motive to go with.

"Easy. Ad it's me, it's Dean." I say and try to restrain him from doing any harm to himself. That's the last thing that needs to happen right now.

"No...D-don't. N-not again..." He whines and struggles against me.

Being a big brother, I've seen quite a few nightmares with both him and Sam but they were never this bad. Ever.

But then again, nothing this bad has ever happened before.

"Adam wake up." I say softly and I can feel tears in my eyes.

"N-no more... P-please." He whines again and fights me. He thinks I'm Sullivan or one of those other guys...

Makes me sick.

"Adam wake up!" I say and shake him hard. He's scaring the shit out of me.

Blue eyes jerk open and he stares up at me and his face relaxes. I sigh of relief before wrapping my arms around him in a hug. He sighs and sags against me, relaxing and it makes me feel a little better.

Just a nightmare.

"It's okay. I'm here, and I'm not gonna leave you Addy." I whisper to him and hope to god he's listening. I get my answer when I feel my shirt starting to get wet with his tears and damnit I can't stand when him or Sam cry. I never could.

"Oh god Ad. What did they do to you?"

* * *

_**John.**_

"We're never gonna find him." I say and slam my hands down on the truck. We've been at this for days and we don't even have a fucking lead. He could be anywhere by now doing god knows what...

I expect Bobby to fill me in with positive attitue or something, but the truth is I think he feels the same way I do. If we were gonna find him, we'd have done it by now. No , I let this happen again and it's the worst feeling in the world to know that my kid got hurt again because I wasn't around to make sure he was safe.

"You wanna go back?" He asks instead, but giving me the same sad look he's been giving me since I called him and told him what happened five days ago.

Five days of nothing.

"Yeah. I need to see my boy." I tell him, and that's when we go back on the road, but insetad we're going back to where I left the boys. I hope Sam and Dean are taking care of him. Josh isn't always there and I'm not really on good terms with Dean yet.

"Things will get better, John." Bobby says after a few minutes of silence.

"No they won't. They won't be like they were. Adam's gonna be messed up for a while- if not for life."

"He's a Winchester though. He's a tough soldier."

I shake my head and keep my eyes on the road as I drive. "He's not a soldier. None of my kids are. I should have realized that a long time ago."

Neither one of us know what to say after that.

"I honestly wish Mary and Kate were here. Things would be different then." I finally say.

"You don't regret what happened with Kate?" Bobby asks me. I haven't talked to anybody about this for years so itt's an awkward subject.

"No. I got a lovely little boy with her, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I just wish she was here for him. Then none of this would have happened. It's all my fault."

"Come on John none of this is your fault."

"I left the boys at that house four years ago. I left them to fend for themselves and Adam...god I can't even imagine..." I let my sentence trail off.

"Shit happens. Adam was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn't deserve any of this but this wasn't your fault. It's that sick ass son of a bitch's fault." Bobby says with pure anger in his voice. I know how this affects him too.

"I just need to get home." I say after that. "I need to see my boys."

* * *

_To Be Continued..._

_Hope you all enjoy. Thanks for the feedback._

_Anthony- Thank you! That means so much to hear you say that :) -hugs- _


	22. Chapter 22

_**Adam.**_

* * *

I probably picked the wrong day to get out of bed. Why would I think that? Well I'm standing in the hallway and I'm listening in on Sam and Dean talking to dad. The problem? Dad's in there with them.

"How is he?" Dad asks and sighs.

"He's resting right now." Sam answers him.

Did he kill him?

"Did you..." Dean says, letting his sentence trail off.

"No."

_**No.**_

_**No.  
**_

_**No.  
**_

I choke back a sob but then I mentally kick myself for it. I knew all along that he was gonna be long gone before dad did anything. So why am I so upset about it now. I'm so stupid for thinking anything different.

"You didn't get anything?" Dean asks in shock. "No lead...nothing?"

"No. Nothing. It was too late, Dean..."

I slowly step into the doorway before they start arguing, and they all see me immediately. I can't imagine how I must look, considering I haven't looked at myself in a good while. But their sympathetic looks tell me automatically, I look like crap.

"Hey, Adam." Sam says and gives me a smile. "It's nice to see you up. Do you want anything?"

I shake my head and look up at dad. I'm feeling so many things towards him right now it's not even funny.

"Hey." He says with a smile and goes to put his arms around me, making me stumble backwards.

"Easy, dad." Dean says and him and Sam are standing up in a flash and Sam even walks towards me. But I let him. I have no problem with him or Dean right now.

"It's okay." Sam whispers and wraps me in a hug, but I can't take my eyes off of my father. He's looking back at me and he sighs because he doesn't know what to do.

"You were supposed to make it stop..." I mumble. But I don't think anyone hears me but Sam because as soon as I say it, he tightens his hold on me.

"What was that?" Dad asks.

Maybe Dean heard it too, because he's looking down and shaking his head.

"You were supposed to make it stop." I repeat, and this time he hears me.

"I know. Me and Bobby tried...we were at it for days... it was just too late..." He struggles to get out without making himself looking even worse.

_It was just too late. _

*FlashBack*

_Sam saying: "We were too late."_

_*end flashback*_

"I knew..." I shake my head and clear my throat. My voice hasn't been used much so it sounds weird. "I knew you wouldn't get him." I whisper and glance back up at him.

"I'm so sorry Adam." Dad says and shakes his head, sadly.

"It was stupid to even think you could." I go on saying, and completely ignoring him. "I mean, you can't even find the thing that killed our moms."

Everything gets still and I feel Sam turn his head over to Dean, but he doesn't know what to do. I just said the fucking truth.

For a minute I think dad might forget everything that has happened and just slap me across the face for even saying something like that. But he doesn't. He just nods with tears in his eyes.

"Your right. I'm sorry, but I came back for you-"

"I don't need you. Go away!" I yell and break free from Sam's hold and run back to my room and slam the door. This isn't fucking fair! Sullivan should be fucking dead but he's still out there thinking of god knows what to do to me next!

I yank out the feeding tube and smirk. I don't need any of them. I'll show em.

* * *

_**Sam.**_

"Give him space." I say and push Dean back when I see he's about to follow Adam back to his room.

Dean looks at me for a second then nods. "Yeah your right. He probably needs to cool off." He says and then glances over at dad who's sitting at the table with his face in his hands. "Dad..."

"Everything he said was true." Dad says quietly.

"Come on dad, Adam's been through hell these past few weeks. He's upset, hurt, and pissed off. He has every right to be." I say and look over at him and think for a minute.

He just nods.

"Where's Bobby?" Dean asks and sits back down. The tension between the two of them is still thick in the air and it's driving me crazy.

"Lookin around town. I didn't think it would be a good idea to bring him back here...not right now anyways..." Dad answers and it isn't harsh sounding. It's a totally different way then the way he's been talking to Dean the past few weeks. I'm just glad their not down eachothers throats right now.

"It'll be okay." I finally say but I don't even know if what I'm saying is true.

"I should have never left you boys behind a few years ago. That was one of the worst mistakes I ever did." Dad says and shakes his head again.

"We should have noticed something." I say defending him, which is odd. I never defend dad on anything.

"Sam's right, dad." Dean agrees with me. Dean never agrees with me either.

"We've just gotta learn to stick together now. What's done is done, we can't go back, we can't change anything and the best thing we can do now, is just stay together. We'll get through this and we'll help Adam get through this too." I explain.

"Yeah, okay." Dad and Dean both say in unison.

"I swear I will find him though." Dad says and clenches and unclenches his hands into fists. He needs to stop, getting worked up about that now, isn't gonna help matters any.

"I'm gonna go check on Addy." Dean says and stands up. I don't try and stop him as he walks past because honestly I'm a bit worried about him.

And when I hear Dean call out a minute later, I have ever reason to be.

"Adam's gone!"

Well, shit.

* * *

_To Be Continued..._


	23. Chapter 23

**_Dean._**

* * *

Adam fucking ran away. I'm still at loss on how it happened, because god damnit he was just _here._ Yeah he let dad have it and ran away to his room but why? It just isn't safe out there for him right now...

"He couldn't have gotten far." Dad is saying when I walk back into the kitchen.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"He's weak." Sam answers. "He's been in that bed for a week. He couldn't have gotten far." He adds and throws on his coat before throwing me mine. I shrug it on and follow Sam out the door after dad says he'll stay behind in case Ad comes back. Though I doubt he will.

It's raining now, and it's freezing rain too. Ad probably doesn't even have a jacket on and he's still sick. None of this is helping the situation at all and it's making me more nervous by the minute.

"Somewhere in the woods." Is all I hear Sam say when I come back into the real world.

I shake my head and glance over at him. "What?"

He sighs and rolls his eyes. "I said he probably went into the woods. I mean where else would he go?"

Which is true. We are in the middle of nowhere.

"Okay." I say and start following him, but I don't think he knows where he's going. It's not like I do either.

It's starting to get dark and it's still raining. We really should invest in a leash and put it on the kid because I think he's starting to give me grey hair. Not to mention putting stress on my heart. He's gonna be the death of me. And I'm praying to a god that I don't believe in that he's okay, and isn't hurt and just needed to cool off. I swear I'll be a better brother. I'll watch out for him and Sam better... I'll do a better job with everything.

Just _Please._

It isn't until we duck through a bunch of limbs that we see him, huddled up against a tree.I sigh if relief and it almost hurts. One of my long sleeve shirts covers him but he's still shaking and I think he's crying...

"Adam..." Sam says quietly when we get closer. He looks up and his face relaxes a bit. God only knows what he's been doing or what he's been thinking about.

"'m sorry." He whispers and sniffs and it makes it so hard to get mad at him for running off.

"It's okay. Let's go back to the house okay? It's cold out here and it's getting dark." Sam says and holds out his hand towards him. Addy nods and takes it and Sam helps him stand. Sam's acting real calm but I know he's got adrenaline in him. And relief. Sam thing as me.

I wrap my arms around him and sigh of relief. "I am so glad your okay. You scared the hell out of us." I say softly and help him walk.

He doesn't say anything, and that's okay. Just seeing that he's alive and isn't hurt or anything, is plenty enough for me.

* * *

_**John.**_

I look up when I hear the front door open and sigh of relief when I see all _three _of my boys come in. Dean's got his coat wrapped around Adam but that doesn't change the fact that he's probably still freezing.

"Get him in a hot shower. I'll get some extra blankets." I say and stand up. I just want to reach out and hug him but I don't want a repeat of what happened earlier, no that killed me.

I dig out some extra blankets from the closet while they try and get Adam warmed up a little. I'm gonna have to call Josh and ask him to come back out and check on Adam because he pulled out his feeding tube and I don't even know if he still needs it. That makes me feel horrible.

When I walk back into Adam's room, Sam and Dean have him in bed and Sam is shoving one of his sweatshirts over him. When his head pokes through, all you see is messy, still damp blonde hair and a tired look. I smile a little because he looks like he did when he was a toddler, and the oversized sleeves finish it off.

"Here, dad." Sam says and holds his hands out for the blankets. I hand them over and watch as Sam tucks them around his brother. Dean's sitting on the bed with his arms wrapped around Adam protectively. He doesn't seem to mind, he's slumped against him and is already falling asleep.

"He okay?" I finally ask. But I shouldn't even have to ask that, I should _know._ I'm his damn father for god sakes.

"Yeah." Sam answers me and runs a hand through his hair.

"You can go to sleep. It's okay." Dean says quietly and gently rocks Adam like he's a baby. "I'll stay with you." He adds and rests his cheek on the top of Adam's head.

My heart breaks.

"Did you call Josh?" Sam asks when Adam's fully asleep. He glances down at the feeding tube then back up at me.

"Yeah, already done. He'll be here tomorow." I answer.

"Okay." He says and nods. "Everything's okay now." He adds and looks back over at his brothers.

But we all know, it's not. Things are only gonna get worse, before they get better.

* * *

_To Be Continued..._


	24. Authors Note

Not a Chapter, but for a very good reason.

This is MY story, and I'm writing it the way I want too. Some of you that review anon. are the same people who were with me through "No One Could Tell" and I love you guys because you stayed with me through that.

Now that I have got new reviewers, some of them have felt the need to leave nasty reviews and leave me nasty inboxes about this story. I'm only gonna say this once. My Story - I'll write it the way I want. I've had to delete a story because I was getting rude inboxes about it and I really don't want to do that with this one nor do I want to leave it a WIP.

Don't like - Don't read.

Thank you, you guys who have left nice reviews on here. I wanted to make this story long, so thats why I'm dragging it out. Sorry if you don't like it.

Thanks. xo


	25. Chapter 25

_Okay New Chapter. I'm sorry for the delay, I lost inspiration for this fic when I got those rude comments and inboxes but I refuse to leave this as a WIP. I'm not that kind of writer and I absolutely REFUSE to become one now, so I'm gonna say this again; don't like - don't read :) _

* * *

_**Adam.**  
_

"Is there any real reason why you ran away?" Dean is asking me as he leans back against the wall in the room. "Or ran into the woods anyway? Did you just want to give us a reason to drop dead?"

I know he really isn't mad, but he knows I can't give him a real answer. "I don't know. Maybe I'm losing it. Maybe you should take me to a crazy house." I tell him and wait for him to laugh.

He doesn't.

"That's not funny." He says insetad. "But I'm glad that your talking to me now. I missed it." He says and smiles at me.

I miss a lot of things.

"Where are dad and Sam?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Out getting food. You know you can keep that feeding tube out if you eat something."

I roll my eyes and sigh. I'd love to keep it out and not be able to eat but I know that isn't gonna happen.

"Dad mad at me? About...you know...what I said?" I ask and look back up at him.

He shakes his head. "No. I think he...understands better now. Especially after the stunt you pulled yesterday, I think he understands just how bad you've been feeling."

"I went way too far. It's not his fault. None of it is." I say and sigh. I can remember what I said to him, and how angry I was and how satisfied I was after seeing the hurt look on his face. God, what kind of son am I?

"It's not yours either though." Dean says and comes and sits down next to me. "We just want you to see that is all. None of us are mad, we're just worried as hell."

"I know. You've been saying that for years and I haven't listened."

"It's not like I've listened to you. So I guess we're even."

I look back up at my brother and I see just how much he's holding in. It's way too much for him and I can't possibly think...

"Are you and dad fighting?" I finally ask. I've been wondering for weeks and I think it's about time I got an answer, and I really hope it's a good answer.

He waits a minute before nodding. "Yeah. Yeah we are." Etleast he's being honest with me.

"You and dad never fight." I point out. "What happened?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "When you were kidnapped...He blamed me for it. Said I should have been watching you when it happened, and he's right. I should have looked out for you better, then maybe none of this would have happened..."

I wince and look down. I had no idea this is why they weren't speaking to eachother. "It wasn't your fault. I'm not a baby." I tell him through tears.

"Doesn't matter. I regret doing a lot of things lately. Like that and I never listened to you when you tried to talk to me back in California...god I was such a dick. Calling Sam for you. What kind of person am I?" He explains and puts his face in his hands.

"I understand...why you acted like that." I tell him. "I forgive you." I add and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks Addy." He says and smiles at me and I smile back a little.

"I'm not over anything thats happened." I finally say and sigh. "I don't think I'll ever be...I'm just at peace with it...I guess."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks.

"I mean this was supposed to happen. It was supposed to happen to me and I have to live with that. You can't go back and change anything. What's done is done. I obviously deserved all of it." I explain and lay back down.

"Ad don't say-"

"Don't tell me not to say it Dean. It's just how I feel." I say and cut him off. "I'm going to sleep now." I tell him and close my eyes.

"You want me to stay?" Dean asks.

I shrug. "Your choice. Can't be much fun to hear me snore. Oh wait, that's you." I add and offer a small, sad smile. And he's laughing a little at it.

"I'm glad you talked to me Addy. I promise to listen more." He says and places a hand on my head. "You know, you should call Jo when you feel like it. I know she's worried about you." He adds.

"Thanks Dean...I might later." Is the last thing I say before falling asleep.

When I wake up later, it's dark outside so it obviously must be the middle of the night. The clock says it's three in the morning and I turn back over and try to get back to sleep.

But I tense up because I feel like someone is in the room with me...

"Dean? Sam?" I call out quietly. Whoever it is clamps their hand over my mouth and presses their lips to my ear.

"Not quite." He whispers and I can feel him smile.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

* * *

_More Sullivan is in next chapter :-)_

_I know this is short and it's just a one person POV but I just felt like this would be a good place to stop. I'll probably start up the next chapter with Adam's POV again :-)  
_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Adam.**_

* * *

"Not quite."

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

Not again, not here, not now...

"Miss me?"

My heart sinks. How did he get in here? Where's Dean? Oh god...

"I can't quit you." He whispers and moves in front of me. "If I take my hand off your mouth, then you have to promise not to scream."

Why the hell would I promise that?

"If not, I can shoot Dean point blank outside." He says and waves a gun around in his hand. I nod as tears fill my eyes and he takes his hand away from my mouth.

"Where is he?" I whisper and look up at him.

"Dean? Asleep on the couch. Don't know about your dad and Sam though." He says and places a hand on my shoulder.

Probably out doing stuff for a hunt. I wish Dean was with them.

"Why don't you just kill me?" I finally ask. "Get it over with."

"Because that's no fun. I kinda like playing hide and seek with you." He says and smiles.

"What did I ever do to you? You started this when I was fourteen. Why? Give me an answer. I deserve one." I say through clenched teeth.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I've told you before, I like you. I have a thing for blonde hair and blue eyes you know?" He says and runs a hand through my hair making me shudder. "I'm not gonna kill you Adam, but one slip up and I _will _kill your family."

I nod. "Okay. Do what you gotta do then." I say and sigh through tears.

"No fighting?"

"No fighting." I agree through tears.

He doesn't make any move though, he just sits there and keeps running his fingers through my hair. But tha's when the door opens.

"Ad you awake...?" Dean asks half asleep and looks down at me. His eyes widen when he see's who's with me.

"Leave him alone you son of a bitch!" Dean growls and lunges at him, but Sullivan is well prepared for him, unfortunately. He slams the but of the gun against Dean's head and knocks him out and puts the gun in the waistband of his jeans. I wince when Dean goes down but I have a plan of my own. When he's standing over Dean, I slowly reach over in my bedside drawer and look feel for the handgun that Dean put there a few nights ago...

Bingo.

I pull the safetly clip off and that's when he turns around. His eyes widen when he see's what I've got and it makes me smirk.

"Now come on Adam. You don't wanna do anything you'll regret later." He says and puts his hands up.

"I won't regret this." I say and point it at him and put my finger on the trigger. I swallow hard and glance back down at Dean.

"You gonna do anything?" He asks after a minute.

Do I really have the heart to kill someone who isn't anything supernatural?

He smiles again and lowers his hands. "You don't got the guts. Maybe I'll just do to Dean what I've been doing to you all along. He is knocked out."

Anger flares through me.

_Fuck it._

_Bang!_

* * *

**_Sam._**

"I think we did enough research tonight, Dad." I say around a yawn and struggle to keep my eyes open. Dad's driving us back from Bobby's motel room after about seven hours of researching.

"Yeah...me too." He finally says. "Would have been nice to have Dean help out, but he was already down for the night." He says and smiles a little. They really need to get over this little argument they're going through. I don't know how much more I can take.

"He needed to stay with Adam anyway." I point out.

"Yeah...I know."

When we pull up in the driveway, something feels off. You can just tell.

"Something not feel right to you?" Dad asks and glances over at me and then back in the house. GOod, he feels it too.

I nod and scramble out of the car, and me and dad make a dead run inside after unlocking the door. We walk in and glance around. Dean isn't asleep on the couch like he was before we left...

"Dean! Adam!" Dad yells and walks down the hall. I follow in behind him as he slowly opens the door to Adam's room.

Nothing could have prepared us for the sight that we're looking at now. One pedophile laying in a puddle of blood, and one baby brother standing over Dean upset.

Adam finally looks up at us when he realizes we're in the room. "I can't get him to wake up." He says quietly. "He won't wake up..."

I kneel down and wrap my arms around him while dad takes Dean in his arms and tries to wake him up.

"He's not dead." Adam says and looks down at Dean again. "Just knocked out." He adds and pts his face in my shoulder.

"It'll be okay." I whisper in his ear and I feel him nod. "Can you tell me what happened?"

He looks up at me with tear filled eyes. "He came back...was gonna do it again... I grabbed the gun Dean put in the drawer a few nights ago...but I didn't know if I could..." He struggles to get out and sighs shakily. "Then he threatened to...do to Dean what he did to me...So I shot him."

I can't even begin to tell him how proud I am of him, and glancing over at dad, he's thinking the same thing.

"Drowned in his own blood. I heard him suffering, but I didn't end him quick. Am I a bad person for that, Sammy?" He asks and glances back over at Dean.

"No. Not at all." I whisper and hug him tighter.

"You did good son." Dad says and nods at him.

"Is Dean alright?" Adam asks. "He hit him hard..."

"He'll be fine. He should wake up soon. You know how hard of a head he's got." Dad says and laughs a little. "Sam? Help me get him to the couch?" He asks.

I glance down at Adam. "You alright?"

"Yeah, just help him." Adam says and let's go of me.

"I don't want you in here." I say and glance back over at Sullivan's dead body. Adam nods and follows us as we practically have to drag Dean into the living room and lay him on the couch, but that's when Dean starts to come around.

"Whaa?" He mumbles and his eyes flutter open.

"Hey, Dean." I say and smile a little.

"Ad..." He says and jerks up.

"Easy." Dad says and pushes him back down. "Adam's fine." He adds and points up towards Adam.

"Hey, Dean." Adam says and smiles sadly down at him before kneeling down next to him. Dean seems to relax and he sighs of relief.

"Did you...?" He mumbles.

"Yeah." Adam answers. "I killed him."

* * *

_To Be Continued..._


	27. Chapter 27

_**John**_

* * *

It doesn't take long for Bobby to come over after I call him, and he doesn't ask a lot of questions about what happened. Hell, I'm not even sure what really happened.

Adam killed someone. I do know that.

Someone who wasn't possesed or wasn't anything supernatural.

I mean, Adam's killed things before. Supernatural things being, but this? This was so much more than that. This was justice for himself, and I can't even hide how proud I am of him.

"We need to take care of this." I tell Bobby when I lead him into Adam's room. "And no one can find out about it." I add.

He just nods like this is the most normal thing in the world. But then again, what part of our lives is ever normal?

When me and Bobby get everything cleaned up, he tells me he's gonna go take care of the body. Salt and burn him so he can't ever come back.

"Your boys need you." He tells me when I tell him I'll help him. I glance over at Dean who's sitting up on the couch holding a bag of ice to his head, and then at Sam and Adam who are on the other side of him. None of them saying a word.

"Yeah. Your right." I tell him and nod.

So when Bobby leaves, I sit down on the coffee table in front of my boys and smile at them, something I haven't done in a long time.

"I'm sorry, dad." Adam finally says. "For everything. About what I said about mom and you finding..." He swallows hard. "Him... I didn't mean any of it."

I reach over and pat his leg. "It's alright. Already forgotten okay?"

He nods and looks down nervously.

"Did he hurt you Ad?" Dean asks and turns back to face him. "Did he...?"

Adam quickly shakes his head. "No. He was going too...but I got a hold of that gun you put in the drawer a few nights back."

Dean closes his eyes and sighs; but I think that's a sigh of relief.

"He threatened you..." Adam goes on saying.

I glance up at Sam because me and him already heard this story when Dean was still knocked out.

"He threatened to... do to you what he did to me... so I shot him." He says and finishes.

Dean doesn't say anything at first, but after a minute he pulls Adam to him and hugs him, setting the ice down beside him.

"It's over." Sam says after that. "All of this is finally over."

"It'll never be over." Adam says and glances back at him. "Yeah he's dead, but it still doesn't change anything that happened."

"Please don't blame yourself." Dean says and runs his fingers through his hair.

Adam just shrugs.

"Things are gonna change." I finally speak up. "For the better." I add.

But honestly, I should have done this a long time ago.

* * *

_**Dean.**_

"He's asleep." I can feel Sam poking me in the ribs from the other side of the bed. We're bunking in dad's bed tonight because it's got a bigger bed and me, Sam, and Adam just wanted to stay together tonight.

What Sam is saying isn't a question, it's a statement. A matter of fact statement at that. Adam's curled up in the middle of us fast asleep. He looks way younger than he really is and I have to remind myself that he's still such a kid.

"Yeah." I say and glance down at him. I honestly don't know how he's asleep. I can't even begin to relax my mind in order for myself to get some sleep. And my guess is that Sam can't either. It's five in the morning and here we are, just laying here.

"I think he got closure." Sam finally says after a minute.

"Me too." I agree.

After dad told us we should go lay down, he asked me to stay behind for a second while Sam went ahead and took Ad to bed. He apologized to me, for the way he's been treating me these past few weeks. Although he had every reason too, I guess I'm glad we're okay now.

I jump when I feel blocks of ice hit my leg.

"What?" Sam asks and glances up at me.

"Ad's got his cold ass feet on me." I say and laugh a little. He does too and everything is fine for the moment.

"Can you sleep?" I ask.

"No. You can't either." Again, a statement.

I scoff and glance back over at him, then back down at Addy. "In a normal situation, sharing a bed like this would be weird. You know?"

He nods. "But this isn't a normal situation."

I nod right back at him. "It's okay."

"Yeah."

"You gonna go back to school?" I ask him. Now that this is all over, things are gonna change again. But I think dad's right. It'll be for the best.

"If Adam wants me too." He answers.

"What about Jess?"

"She'll understand. And if not, then, oh well."

She will, and he knows it. And I know Addy, he'll tell Sam to get his ass back to school like he should.

I think for a moment and I need to ask Sam about what he thinks dad will be doing next, but when I look back over at him, he's nodded off on his pillow. He isn't fully asleep because when I sigh, his eyelids flutter open again for a moment.

"Night, Sammy." I say before turning over, and smiling again once Addy puts his cold feet against my leg again.

* * *

_Okay, one more chapter should do it! ;)_

_Thank you guys so much for all the feedback! xoxx_


	28. Chapter 28

_**Adam.**_

* * *

It isn't until when we're back at the roadhouse when things start to come back at me. Memories from a few weeks ago hitting me in my mind, and the bad part? They're still fresh.

It's been a few days. Dad's done packed all of us up and everything and we're gonna take Sam back to college because, that's what I want to do. Dad had no problem with it. None of them did, and that makes it okay.

But I had to do something first.

"You okay?" Sam asks me when he gets out of the car. I just nod up at him.

"Adam." Jo sighs when she comes walking out of the roadhouse and within seconds, she's inches away from me.

Dad, Sam, and Dean walk away and give us a few minutes but they aren't going far. They're far away to give us some privacy, but not far enough to where I'm out of ther sight. I'm alright with that.

"I'm so sorry for everything." She says. "I've been worried about you, but didn't want to push or anything..." She's nervous. She doesn't know exactly what to say around me.

"It's alright." I finally say and nod. "I mean, it's not. It isn't really, but I think it will be...eventually." I struggle to get the word out.

She nods back at me. "I'm really glad your okay." She runs a nervous hand through her hair after she says it. "I mean physically..."

"Me too." I say and agree with her. "This last time...it was awful. This past month has been nothing but hell you know?" I say and she nods up at me again.

"Your tough." She tells me.

"I'm a Winchester." I say and smile. She smiles back.

It's quiet for a minute until I break the silence. "I'm gonna go talk to someone...about what happened."

"That's good Adam." She tells me. "Your disorder...?" It comes out sounding weird but I just shrug.

"It isn't under control. That's why I need to go talk to someone. I don't want to make myself throw up everytime I see myself in a mirror or I don't wanna just stop eating because I don't feel like it." I explain.

Again she nods.

"Anyways..." I go on saying. "It'll be around here. So I guess I'll be seeing more of you."

She smiles. "I'd like that."

She reaches out to hug me, but then brushes it off like it'll offend me. I really hope this isn't how people are gonna treat me from now on.

So I just pull her close to me and hug her. I just keep telling myself it's alright.

"After we drop Sam off at school, we'll talk more." I tell her.

"Okay." She says and smiles again and backs up. "See you soon."

"Later." I tell her as she turns around to walk back inside. I imagine what she'll tell her mom. Probably scream because she knows I'm alright.

The drive to Stanford is long, but I don't mind really. You'd be surprised on how much more I pay attention to things now.

And it isn't until dad pulls into the parking lot at the school, when I notice how many people are out right now.

"You guys want to meet Jess?" Sam asks, but Dean is glancing back at me nervously from the passenger seat and so is dad through the rearview mirror, and suddenly he gets it.

"It's okay." He tells me. "We'll wait. They should be heading to class in a few anyways." He adds, but that doesn't stop me from apologizing. I just can't do large crowds right now.

"It's alright." Sam tells me and smiles to let me know it really is.

When it finally does clear out, Sam gets out of the car and I see this girl walking towards us. She runs and hugs him as me, Dean, and dad get out of the car.

She's pretty. I can so see Sam marrying her and having a family with her, even though Dean points out that she is so out of his league and smirks making her laugh.

Sam rolls his eyes as he introduces her to his "pain-in-the-ass older brother" and that just makes Dean grin even bigger.

Dad's nice about all of it. Though I don't think he's real happy with Sam going back to school. I think after everything that's happened with me, he just wants all of us to be together.

But we can't, and he knows that.

"This is Adam." Sam finally says and smiles at me.

She smiles too. "It's nice to finally meet you Adam. I've heard so many good things about you." She adds.

I'd love to know what Sam's told her.

"It's nice to meet you too." I tell her and smile. "Marry my brother, okay?" I add and she laughs a little making Sam get all nervous which makes me laugh.

"We should get going." Dad says after a few minutes and me and Dean both nod. But dad doesn't hesitate to hug Sam after he gets his things out of the trunk and it surprises all of us, but we don't say anything.

"I'll visit more. I promise." Sam tells me after he hugs me and I just nod.

"Dude, no chick flick moments." Dean says and puts his hands up when Sam moves towards him, but he's the one that hugs him after a minute of fooling around. "Take care of yourself Sammy." He says softly.

"I will." Sam tells him. And that's that.

We wait and watch them go inside from the car and I glance around afterwards at how big the place is.

Dean's crawled into the backseat with me, even though I told him I was fine by myself. I don't push him on it. If it makes him feel better then so be it.

"You wanna go to a school like this?" He asks quietly and glances up at dad to make sure he doesn't hear him talking.

I shrug and think for a moment. I'd like to become something, like a doctor.

"Not anytime soon." I finally say and lean my head against the window and glance over at him. He just nods and pats my arm.

Dad smiles up at us from the rearview mirror as he continues driving around. It's nice that things aren't as tense as they have been lately.

But as we get further down the road, I close my eyes and I relive the moment of killing Sullivan and clench my teeth. I killed someone. Someone that wasn't at all connected with the supernatural world.

"Hey." Dean says when he sees how upset I am. Am I crying? I can't feel anything.

He wraps me in a hug and I lay my head aginst his shoulder and we just stay like that.

What if this gets out? What are people gonna think? Yeah he deserved to die, but I'm thinking about Pastor Jim and him preaching about the ten comandments.

I don't regret what I did. Am I a murderer? Or in this situation, is it okay?

Who's to judge me?

* * *

_The End._

_Well that's it! Thank you guys so much for sticking around in this second part. I can't tell you how much it means. Minus a few negative comments, this was a pleasure to write and I just want to think all of you who left nice reviews. It meant so much!_

_I might do a tag to this story and I might not. I'm currently working on another Dean/Sam/Adam story. Not slash. So I'm just not sure yet :) But anyways, I really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it! xo_ later ;)


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